Battle in Me

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by riri_, Jan 3, 2013.

  1. My mind becomes blank. My eyes would become endless. My smile would be stolen. But, what's worse is my body would move on it's own.

    Hi, My name is Mandy. Mandy Smith. I am at the age you love and hate at the same time, 17. My parents were murdered when I was 6. Since I was young, I thought I always had nothing. But the truth is, I didn't want anything.

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    Hey y'all Rita here , so I finished a story and decided to write another, all my other fan fics are romance but I don't know about this one, Tell me if I should continue thanks 
     
  2. June 22nd 2002, 1pm

    That's the day I saw it. A punch, a kick and then a man falling towards the ground. Around the guys battling, twelve people in a circle all chanting "fight, fight, fight" with their fist throbbing up then down, repeatedly.

    No girls were there, I looked behind myself, streets with people walking past as if nothing was happening to that young man.

    I quickly ran towards them, pushing the ones in front of myself "leave him alone" I yelled as I stood in front of him, my hands where raised protecting the man. As I analyzed the men, they didn't seem like men at all, young and immature.

    I turned around to see the other lad on the floor gazing at me, his dark raven hair was covering him eyes. As I gazed closer I saw it, dripping from his forehead, my mind went blank.

    What is happening, this man is about to die, I quickly pulled my black leather bag towards my chest and searched for anything to stop the bleeding but was stopped by young lad in front of me as he began chuckling.

    I looked up, and looked at the guys around myself, what have I done, ran into a bunch of guys fighting, what have I gotten myself into. I felt my hands beginning to shake.

    I quickly looked at guy on the ground, a smirk was placed on his lips. "I...uh" tears were forming into my eyes, my body was shivering and I couldn't do anything. Suddenly a hand was placed on my left shoulder.
     
  3. Should I continue or let this die?
     
  4. Btw my birth date was December 22,2002
     
  5. Haha cool and okay I'll continue
     
  6. Strange not bad but not great. I give it a 6/10
     
  7. This is wonderful I would suggest using a thesaurus for better vocabulary, but that's it! Bump!
     
  8. Uh thank you Venitas and you too Angel and for your advice too
     
  9. I love all your stories <3
     
  10. Thanks sugaa 