it's 3:52am and i raided the fridge and the table for any signs of legit food Then i remembered after my slightly drunken stupor tha HO HO HO I ORDERED TAKEOUT AND THERE IS A FUCK TON OF EGGPLANTS ON THE TABLE RIGHT NOW cold my precious babies are cold and half eaten WAHT KIND OF MONSTER WOULD DO SUCH A TEDIOUS T- Oh wait nevermind totally neglected the food to curl up in a snuggie on the floor crying over the lion king No normal people would be up this late crying over simba and hungry but fuck that we all know im the exact opposite of the definition of normal amirightoramiright And since im no genius cook (far fucking from it) i just threw the food into the microwave and so went the eggplant stew pot thing and ding ding ding i ate it (and just to be a dumb butt lets pretend im goldilocks and the porridge is just eggplants mmkay) the flavor was too mild and subtle and it became green instead of purple And my first reaction was 'fuck it its food hell if im complaining' but then it was cold as hell after three seconds of chow chow chew chew And so comes the barbecue eggplant in all of its grilled glory and its cold SO MICROWAVE YOU GO MY BABY and then ding dong ding ding ding IT MELTED ALONG WITH THE PAPER BOX IT WAS IN YAYYYYYYYY I BURNED FOOD FOR THE 413TH TIME THIS MONTH And then comes the next plate of barbecue eggplants and DING DING DING DING DING IT ALSO MELTED and because it was on my new years resolution list to not waste food i begrudgingly, hesitantly, reluctantly ate the food And then called my mom BECAUSE WHOOPS STOMACHACHE AFTER A FEVER WHEEEE and then she tells me the microwave is broken whelp remind me to never again to never cook by myself ever