This is my first time writing a story so please be honest. Wall me advice and such. Criticism is welcome, but try and be respectful. Thank you and enjoy.
Introduction Few more weeks till christmas break and I can't wait! It's christmas the happiest time of the year! Yeah yeah. I here this around all the time but all I ever feel is sadness for two reasons. One, it means I don't get to see my friends because its a time of family and it doesn't feel right for me to take my friends away from there family. Two, it means more time with my parents. You guys may think that I'm harsh for saying this but I really detest my parents. They buy me slutty clothes and are sarcastic ALL THE TIME. Then they wonder where I get it from. The only thing I absolutely love about christmas is penguins. No one or thing can take my love of penguins away from me. Sure I loved snow and I still do but it's hard to have a snow ball fight in Florida when it never snows. Like I said though, nothing can take away my love of penguins. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Chapter One Monday in the mornings maybe the worst sometimes for me. It just means that there is still four evil days of high school academics ahead of me. -sigh- it's stressing. Especially when your the girl that only has crushes but is very shy and doesn't have the heart to tell the guy that you like them. "Melanie! Get your butt up! School is going to start without you if you don't get downstairs and walk to school now." my mother yelled. I needed to choose something is wear. Unfortunately the school doesn't let us go in pjs. I decided to wear jeans, my black sneaker wedges, and a penguin shirt with a blue tank top under it. I brushed my dark brown hair to one side and made sure my bangs weren't in my face. Finally I grabbed my with bag and headed downstairs. "Yes mom. I'm going down now." I replied with a tired voice. "Only a few more weeks till your vacation my sweet peppermint latte." my mom said giving my a huge hug. I sighed and walked out the door. "Yup. Can't wait. See ya later...maybe." I get to school and I run up the stairs and get to my first period class, computer school. Basically we take our extracurricular classes online. It sucks but whatever. I see my crush Sam walk with his girlfriend and making out with her at the same time. I look away in disgust. It was going to be a long day. Please please please comments.
Watch your grammar girly. Just a few things here and there but grammar is very important. Make sure to re-read every sentence before you post. With love, Kaitlyn
I can really relate to this story. It pretty much describes my predicament except I have school uniform and my love for penguins isn't so intense Try to concentrate on your spelling and using the correct words. Little things like "hear" instead of "here" make all the difference. Though for your first attempt at a story, this is brilliant. I shall definitely be reading this.
Needs: •Capital letters. •Punctuation. •Don't write useing RP form. [You put '-sigh'.] •More description. •Put a space between each person talking to make it clearer. [Eg: "I'll be late home tonight," muttered Jake. "Another buisness meeting." "Oh..." Lily sighs. "Okay."] Other then that it's off to a good start.
Chapter two Sam has always been the boy I've liked since the moment I first saw him in high school. He is cute, handsome, athletic, and somewhat smart. He usually procrastinates, but when he gets into his school work he doesn't stop till he gets all the work done right. I remember I use to help him with his projects in English and Science.... "Melanie! Whatcha up to?" My best friend Katherine said. She was a freshman who instantly got me. She is shorter than me, but only by 5 inches. Even though I've only met her this year, she always knows how to make me laugh. "Eh nothin' Katherine. Just gotta finish this assignment." I answered still tired from this morning. "Well come on. I'll help you with it." Katherine answered happily. "I don't need help with it, I need to stop procrastinating!" I laughed. "Well seeing how I'm sitting next to you ill make sure you stay on task. I need to play dance dance with you! I feel like I can beat you today and wear the crown of queen for today!" Katherine said, looking up at the ceiling when she said crown. "Haha yeah right. If I do play dance dance, I'll waddle my way to victory!" I said. Katherine just started laughing hysterically. I smiled at her and put on my headphones to get to work. The lesson actually wasn't that hard and I was able to play dance dance with Katherine. She actually beat me and she could have been the first penguin to fly that's how much she was jumping up and down. ----------------------------------------------- Classes went on and it was finally the end of the day. Being Monday I usually go straight home, but I wanted to hang out with my friends for a bit. As soon as I got out of school, I saw Sam with his arm around HER. I went directly to my friends. They were playing music so I decided to take advantage of it. My friend Alicia and I just me this year as well, and we bonding as well with our height. The thing is, Alicia and I dance together all the time, and well let's just say at the Halloween dance Sam couldn't keep his eyes off of us. "Hey Alicia let's dance!" I told her. She looked at me and smiled. "Heck yeah! Lets go!" She responded. She walked towards me and I walked toward her swishing my hips back and forth. She came and shook her hips as well. I told her Sam and moved my eyes to my right. She read my lips and got what is was trying to do. We danced a bachata and when the song ended I turned and saw Sam with his eyes wide open. I found it hilarious but I kept it inside. "Thanks for the dance Alicia, but I have to do now. See you tomorrow!" I told her grabbing my bag. "Aw. I wanted to salsa with you! Oh well. There will be other times. See you!" She said hugging me. I walked away and walked right passed Sam. I strutted by him and flipped my hair when I out my hair out of my ponytail I had made at lunch time. I could feel someone staring and I knew exactly who it was.
Chapter three When I got home I dragged my book bag to my room and went to go eat something. I think I ended up eating a yogurt and some cereal. When I was done I put on my music and started dancing. My living room wasn't too big, but I made do with what I had. I think I danced for about forty minutes. Man I was tired. I went to go take a shower to rise off. When I got out, I felt a bit dizzy. [italics] I think I twirled too much [/italics] I thought. I went back to my room and changed into shorts and a tank top. "Bloop bloop!" My phone had gone off about three times. It was Sam once, Katherine, and my mom. I opened my mothers message first. "I need you to clean the kitchen, sweep the floors, clean the rooms, straighten the books, and throw out the dishes before I get home. Luv ju!" I wanted to smash the screen at that moment. How can she expect me to do my homework and that all at the same time?! It wasn't fair. But oh well she'll be sorry when I leave for collage. Next I opened Katherine's message. "Hey girlie. I'm waddle princess now. Beth beat me at the dumb game...I guess I shouldn't have been ranting off that I was queen huh? Oh well." I smiled a little remembering her excited jumping up and down from this afternoon. Finally, there was Sam's message. Honestly, I didn't even want to open it, but something told me it was a bit important. " hey...wanted to let you know that you dropped you book in front of me when you strutted by me. It's like a red book...very detailed cover design....is it yours?" He asked. I thought [italics] red? What on earth did I bring to school that was red? [/italics] Then I realized. It could be my journal...the one I keep about what happens throughout my day. It has my feelings in it too!! I text him back. "Is it a Vea Bradley book? Red and black? White pages?" I hoped one the book wasn't red and black, or that it wasn't Vea Bradley. My phone vibrated again. "Yeah. That's the one. I'll bring it to school tomorrow. I knew it was yours from the penguin on the front. Nice touch." I sorta smiled and responded: "Yeah well. That's me. Got to go. Bye!" I went and tried to eat but all I could think of and picture in my head is him reading the book and knowing I have feelings for him. I crawled into bed at 10:30 and tried to think of other things. I remembered the dance dance match and it made me smile again, but it quickly went away when my eyes shut and a vivid picture if Sam came into my dreams.