Need Opinions  

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by -iWolfieAteYourKitKat-, Dec 10, 2012.

  1. Ok So. I need ya'lls opinions on this character design I've come up with for a personal story I've been writing. She's one of the main characters in this story and I wanna make sure her design sounds good and easy to understand.

    Background Info for Story: All the characters have either a Sin or a Virtue within them, to tell they either have an inverted cross (Sin) or a regular cross (Virtue) somewhere on their body. Basically the story is about their interactions with each other. If you are really religious I'm sorry if this story upsets you 

    Ok Now onto the character's design. Here it is 

    BASIC INFORMATION

    Full name: Delicia Coleridge
    Nickname(s) or Alias: Lilith
    Gender: Female
    Species: Sin (Lust)
    Age: 17
    Birthday: October 31
    Gender Preference: Straight but Bisexual at the same time. When Lust overtakes her she doesn't care about what gender you are.
    Nationality: Caucasian
    Religion: Wiccan
    City or town of birth: London, England
    Languages spoken: Latin...I like dead languages
    Native language: English of Course
    Relationship Status: Single

    PHYSICAL APPEARANCE
    Height: 5'4'' I'm short...deal with it
    Weight: Why Do You Need To Know That? (T ^ T)
    Figure/build: Slim,hourglass shaped figure
    Hair color: Auburn
    Hairstyle: Changes Depending on her mood but bangs always cover her left eye
    Eye color: Vibrant Green
    Skin/fur/etc color: Pale Porcelain
    Tattoos: small black inverted cross under left eye, sign of all sin born children
    Piercings: Belly Button, Ears
    Scars/distinguishing marks: burn marks on her wrists
    Preferred style of clothing: Punk
    Frequently worn jewelry/Clothing: Chocker and Gloves

    HEALTH
    Smoker? Ew No
    Drinker? ...Sometimes..*whistles*
    Drug User? Which? Never.
    Addictions: Chocolate
    Allergies: None
    Any physical ailments/illnesses/disabilities: Due to her Sin if she touches anyone other then another Sin or Virtue her body will get taken over by Lust,making her jump the person
    Any medication regularly taken: none just has to make sure to always have her gloves.

    PERSONALITY
    Personality: She's very spunky, more like one of the guys than a prissy school girl. She loves her friends dearly but rarely shows it. She's extremely blunt so if you want a straight answer just ask her. She also loves pulling pranks. Oh! And she's also very sensitive when it comes to her burn marks or being touched,even if she's touched by a Sin or Virtue she's still always tense and on edge.
    Likes: Chocolate, Secret Crush on Zaki (Chastity)
    Dislikes: Liars, Being out of Control
    Fears/phobias: She fears touching others.
    Favourite color: Blue
    Hobbies: Writing Music, Reading etc.
    Taste in music: Anything with a good beat

    SKILLS
    Talents/skills: Her Sin Control level is extremely high, She is able to control people's pheromones at will, causing them to do whatever she wishes-tho she never uses this skill. Also when her left eye is uncovered she is able to see into a persons very being so as to determine their deepest desire.
    Ability to drive a car? Operate any other vehicles? Can drive/hot-wire any kind of car

    EATING HABITS
    Omnivore/Carnivore/Herbivore: I like my meat ;D
    Favourite food(s): Chocolate
    Favourite drink(s): Dr.Pepper or Milk
    Disliked food: Brussel Sprouts or Celery
    Disliked drink: Lemon Flavored Water

    HOUSE AND HOME
    Describe the character's house/home: She lives in the very top level of the dorms, Darpaka bought the whole level and has been using it for her and Taichi's residence since their old home burned to the ground. It is very posh and clean, very richy feeling.
    Significant/special belongings:
    Her Chocker which had been her mothers'. She also has a secret stash of money that has been accumulating so that one day she can take Taichi away from Darpaka.
    Level of education: Senior

    COMBAT
    Peaceful or aggressive attitude? She is very calm in a fight, likes to taunt her opponent to get their emotions high and then she takes them down. Unless a loved one of her's is threatened she is always calm and calculating.
    Fighting skills/techniques: She's very handy with her twin moon daggers-they were her fathers. She mainly tries not to use her Sin choosing instead to use 'human' methods.
    Weapon of choice (if any): Twin Moon Daggers
    Weaknesses in combat: Her powers get nullified by Chastity since that is the Virtue opposite Lust. She also goes a little nuts when a loved one of hers is threatened. After she lost her mother and father she has become overprotective of her loved ones.
    Strengths in combat: She's at the top level of her class in every aspect. If you meet her when she's pissed off Run. Or you will regret it.

    FAMILY, FRIENDS AND FOES
    Parents names: Evelyn and Marcus Coleridge
    Are parents alive or dead?
    ..Their dead...Darpaka murdered them.
    Siblings? Relationship with siblings? Darpaka- older brother,despises him and Taichi- younger brother, adores him
    Best Friend: Zaki and Kama
    Other Important Friends: Audra
    Pets: Black Cat with mismatched eyes. One is a light blue and the other a golden brown. The cat's name is Strange.
    Enemies? Why are they enemies?
    She considers everyone an enemy if they do not gain her respect and trust so as to be permitted into her circle.

    BACKSTORY
    Her parents were overjoyed when she was born; they were even happier when they saw the inverted cross under her eye. Her mother saw it as an honor to have more than one blessed child in the house-even if the child was blessed by a Satan,since their eldest child, Darpaka was also a Sin. Her father spoiled her rotten, loving his baby girl. As she grew older her parents made sure she had everything she needed but, they also made sure to teach her morals and ethics right away, which explains why she can be very proper when she wants to be. She was happy with her wonderful family until she turned fifteen, she came home only to see that her entire house was engulfed in flames. She rushed inside desperate to find her baby brother Taichi or her parents. She was able to rescue Taichi from his crib but, suffered burn marks on her wrists due to the pile of burning wood over his crib. She tried to find her parents after the fire but, two bodies were found in the wreckage of her home...they were identified as her parents. Although she has no proof at the moment she is positive her older brother Darpaka was responsible for the murder of her parents and the destruction of her home.

    Please give me your honest opinions  BUT no flamming or raging at me please!! Thank you all for your time 
     
  2. thats not bad
     
  3. thank you  to ya both :3