This is a story about a NCAA football rookie. This is not going to be long (the prologue) Prologue I can't believe it. I got accepted into The North Carolina state football team as a HalfBack. My name Is Walter Greensburg and I am now 18 so I am going to collage after summer ends. So now I'm gonna be on my favorite collage team The NCS Tar Heels I always though I'd go to law school -Thanks a lot dad!- but I'm following my path to my dream job........a NFL player. I would either join Dallas or Chicago -Chicago more but Dallas is my favorite team- Now I need to get all my supplies........ And get packed for next week. See ya next time!
I am updating this because half the world is saying go on with or Chapter 1 Yeah I'm going to my dorm now I just said goodbye to my pa and my ma, Hope I don't get paired with a geek ok secretly I do because I am kinda a geek and jock it's a mixture very hard on me. "Come in threw, Freshmen." said a guy. You can tell he is either one a jock or two a bully I won't tell you which. I just found out what the guys name is -my dorm mate- Tim Glendale but he isn't in our dorm right now so I'm just gonna check out the campus for a while. Ok Gym is Left corner of campus administration is right dorms left bottem corner (Chesterfield dorms) and (Blitzed dorms) right bottom corner and classes are in the middle that ain't so hard to memorize. I start walking back when I run into a girl. I can't really place her she looks like a cheerleader but dressed like a geek so erm..... What is she? Haha I guess I'll never know, she bends down to pick up her things do I help her. She said thanks and walked away, I continue to walk back to my dorm -not counting launch at McDonalds- I walk and I see -who I think is- Tim. It was indeed Tim he said he was on the football team and don't get in my way while I'm playing my Xbox so...... He's in my placement I hope. See ya next time !
Not too bad... Most of what I'm seeing is contradiction, though. Try not to contradict the characters. And I'm hoping you have some sort of twist on this, because we wouldn't want this to be very cliche, wouldn't we?
Ok, so...... There are quite a lot of things wrong here. 1. Always check your spelling 2. Make the story interesting. I'd advise not to blurt out everything and make it known, kind of work it into the story through description and such. 3. Punctuation is key 4. Show paragraphs 5. Have dialogue, unless the boy is mute or completely deaf. People talk and people hear talking. 6. Work on your plot more, make it a story. Not an outline.