~Chapter One~ I sat on the bench, waiting for the bus under a cover. As the rain poured the bus pulled up to the bus stop. I ran up to the bus, finding a spot and sitting down. "Evening Misty, you staying here again tonight?" the bus driver asked, looking where I was sitting, I nodded. He leaned back and sighed "Want me to stay here tonight? The train will be in a bad neighborhood tonight." he said. "You don't have to, I don't fall asleep much. And I have a gun, so no worries" I said, yawning. He dropped his last person off and stopped the bus. "Night Misty." he said, leaving the bus. I waved, and locked the bus doors and windows and emergency escape. I hid under the bus seat with a blanket around me and a gun out. I was invisible in the dark, I'm no different in the day. I tightened into a ball and closed my eyes drifting asleep. I hear glass shattering and a kick in the door, I held out my gun to get ready for a person to walk across looking for another victim to murder.
I like it, but more descriptive would be nice. Also, be sure to use a different paragraph for each dialogue. Bit other than that, it's great! Phantom. Angel of Music.
Thank you, I will be updating soon! I will wall you as soon as I update "Let Tear Falls" ~ [color=light blue] Courtney [/color]
Two pairs of black, fancy shoes stomped in and the bus started moving. Glass slid across the wooden floor, one shard of glass slid across my arm which gave no pain towards me, I didn't even speak or jerk. It didn't hurt.. "Just another scar for my arm" I said in my head as the bus came to a stop. I finally got a steady aim at their legs, even though the risk of them seeing me is high, I was still invisble. Me being 5'4 and having black hair helped me be even more invisible, if that's even possible. I pulled the trigger when my aim was very clear, it shot his knee cap. He screamed in pain, blood went down his black, work pants. "There is someone under the seats!!" the guy I shot yelled, as the other guy looked under the seats. I quickly put my head down as the guy came to my seat and looked under and past my chair. I looked up then I was jerked by the arm that I had moved where it wasn't revealed. I held the gun in my hand and brushed off my skirt and glared at the two men. "You just had to jerk me awake from my nap" I said angrily. The guy I shot had black hair, tall frame, I looked like a lawyer The second guy had spiky, black hair with blue streaks and was about 6'1. "What's your name!!??" the shot guy asked threatening me with a knife. I grabbed the knife. "My name is Misty, and don't threaten me. I've been in many murder situations and can defend myself" I said glaring at the shot man. "My name is Pete" he replied ignoring my statement. "Cameron" the other guy said jerking the knife out of my hand. I glared at him, my eyes threatening to jerk the knife and stabbing him with it. He handed me the knife slowly and backed away, protecting his torso. Pete sat in the driver's seat and slammed on the accelerate, I slipped on the blood that dripped off Pete's knee cap falling into Cameron's arms. His eyes locked on mine, he leaned in for a kiss.
Good start Just remember to put punctuation in dialague. (eg: "My name is Pete," he replied, ignoring my statement.)
Thank you for the advice! I will make sure I proof- read it before I post it! Update will be out tomorrow at 4:30 PM
Early Update, Enjoy! I pulled away from Cameron and managed to sit down in a chair. I kept Cameron and my eyes out of contact. It was pretty awkward, he was staring at me then staring at Pete it was hard to even not to look at each other. Pete pulled to a halt and parked then bus. "Bye Misty" he said, walking out before I could answer. Cameron didn't move, he just sat.. I walked down to where I was laying at and waved goodnight at him and crawled under the seat. I closed my eyes and heard Cameron crawling under a seat by mine as well. I opened my eyes and his back was turned to me, we were 5 inches a part from each other. I turned the other way and closed my eyes. I fell asleep. I got up and woke Cameron up. "Cameron, go! Before you get shot by Llyn!" I said, lightly kicking his arm. He sprung up, waved goodbye and left as Llyn walked up the side walk. "Misty! You're okay!!" he shouted, as he came to hug me. "Halt! No hugs, I'm still tired." I snapped "Stay awake, don't wanna disturb the guests because of a sleeping 18 year old under a passengers seat" he said, laughing and walking towards his chair. I sat down in the chair, making myself stay awake. I wouldn't dare disturb a guest by falling asleep. Especially, Mr. Fatty Lawyer. The man glared at me, then checked me out. I moved to a seat by a non- stop talking , little girl. "Hi, I'm Alysse!" she said, excitedly as she bounced in her seat. I smiled and waved, then looked at the floor. "What's your na--" she said, getting cut off by a sudden, hard bounce. Llyn ran outside and I joined him to find a man under the tire. I stood outside, as Llyn backed off of him. The man howled in pain. "What's your name?" I asked, looking at the almost sticking out bone. "Ca-Cameron.." he said, rolling over. "Cameron?!?" I said, my eyes so wide I felt like they could pop out.