Tate, Sosha, May, Troy, Karl, and others all go to Falcon High and are all great friends an have been there for each other for all 12 years of school.
Karl and may and Troy and angi are deeply in love but Sosha and Tate like eac other just don't want to ruin their friendship so they stay friends and deal with the love and drama around school "Angi please come here" Troy says as angi walks over "yes babe" Troy leans down in the middle of angi speaking and kisses her deeply Sosha and Tate sit awkwardly together away from them "Tate you an Sosha should totally start dating its obvious you two like each other" May makes kissy noises at me(tate) and Sosha "shut up may" me and Sosha say at the same time Bell for school to start rings and we all walk to our first class and I sit down by Sosha and we laugh the entire class at TE teacher.
I'm sorry, but you need to fix your writing style. This just seems like the script to a movie, not s story.
Well you just say "so and so like eachother, but so and so like these people" try to infer it instead of coming out and saying it. And instead of "we walked to class" say "My friends and I drug ourselves down the hall, still tired since it was still early in the school day"
^_^ In other words beasty... Try not to make it sound like a script.... And try not to give anything away in the beginning... Make it more in a story form of writing and have cliffhangers at the end of an update to keep your readers interested.... And make sure the updates are longer k... :3 so far so good
If I didn't give you criticism then it would stay the same, don't cry over spilled milk... or simple criticism ©™