Hi. I'm back after a very long break because of my huge writer's block! I decided to not continue my past stories and start anew. Enjoy. ㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡ That night, I lay on my bed, pretending to sleep, pretending to slowly disappear as the sound of raindrops hit the window glass rings in my ears. I hate the rain, it makes me feel hopeless, and because it’s my only companion at times I'm lonely. I stand up slowly and open the red satin curtains; I look outside and trace my fingers on every single drop of the rain streaming down the glass. Some were big drops and some were small and steady, but if another drop lands on the steady ones, it falls with it. Life is like the raindrops. If you decide to stay steady at one point, someone will always hit you and bring you down and causes you to decide to fall, no matter how strong you try to become, everyone can hurt you in a second. But still, no matter how much you’re hurt, you have to smile; smile until you can’t take it any longer. Smile like everything’s alright, and pretend to be perfect when you’re not. I take in a deep breath and gently sat on the cold grey carpet, I pull knees closer to my body and hug it while I cry endlessly. No matter how much I don’t want to admit it, I am weak, no matter how many times I try to be strong, only I know the fact that I am weak, I easily fall, and I easily get hurt. I sometimes wonder why life is certainly cruel on my part. I hate it, I hate the fact that I am living right this moment, I hate the fact that I was even born into this world, I hate the fact that I am born a girl and that I hate myself so much. But through all the hatred I feel for the world and for myself, there is only one thing I could never hate, and that is the lavender.
I woke up in the middle of Monday night, it was still dark but a cold air rushed through me. I looked around, dazed and confused. I don't remember opening the window at all. Could it have been my father? But he dare not go in, even once, so why now? I shook off my thoughts and started to get up, I took in a deep breath and smiled, lavender, nothing smells sweeter than that. I scanned my room with my emerald almond-shaped eyes, and saw about hundreds of lavender petals lying on the floor. I smiled thoughtfully and whispered, "Fred, I know you're there. Come out, you fool." My heart started beating fast as a shadow of a lean man appeared before me. "I could never trick ya." His Irish accent was deep and husky, like the kind that makes you aroused if you are... "arousable". His brunette hair was on the way of his beautiful face. It was shaggy and silky. "It's three in the morning, what brings you here... with lavenders. You know I-" I gasped silently and bowed my head, wait, Fred is dead! I looked back at the direction and he was there, alive and smiling, like he never even left. Was I hallucinating all this time or was it just a dream... about Fred's death. I wanted to scream, I wanted to run away, but somehow looking into his eyes made me feel guilt and pain. It was excruciating to think him as he's dead. I scoffed silently, "Right, how could I thought of that." "What?" A sly smile drew on Fred's face, he was pale and shivering. "Are you thinking how I'm alive when you knew I was already dead?" Realisation struck me, how stupid can I be! Of course Fred's dead! I was there! At the crash! At the hospital! But... But... This feels so real. Am I dead, too? "Fred..." finally his name escaped my mouth. But the gentle Fred was no longer alive, it was dead and buried deep in him. He was no longer Fred. He was a heartless monster.