This is my first story so dont hate just give hints ────────────────────────────── It was a 6:00am my alarm clock as gone off all I can't think to do is push snooze, but I didn't I got my butt out of bed and did my mourning yawn "yay first day, new school, new people". I walk over to my bathroom and look in the mirror and was my face and brush my teeth. After that I walk to my closet and put some cargo shorts and an obey shirt with Nike socks and Nike shoes. As I'm making my way downstairs almost out the door when my father called me. Dad: Alex come here -walk over to the kitchen - Me:
Me: what you want ? Dad: well just want to say that once you and your mom are done move into the new house I'm going to leave Me: that's great news well bye ! -walk out of the house and into my Ford mustang 2012 red - I make it to the school and I park my car and I get out. Looking around just seeing all the different type of people I think to myself no way this can be new Mexico anymore I'm in California. So I started to walk as I'm walking to the administration office I step on a piece of paper. I look down and I pick the piece of paper and I read it."go lancers!!!! Want to be part of the lancers pack football team then come to tryouts after school today !!!" After I read that out of now where this big jock came out and smack the paper out of me hand Big jock: your not thinking about trying out you ? Right? -laughs- Me: so what if I am !!! Big jock: -laughs even louder- then you'll be crush ! I make myself look taller and bigger. But it was no hope the jock just uppercut me and I just fell to the ground, then he gets on top and starts to hit my head and everything hoes blurry
I hear a vioce telling the jock to get off of me. Then the hitting stop and I trying to get my vision back as I get up to my feet. When my vision back I see a girl like no other she was beautiful with long black wavy hair with hazel eyes Girl: are yu okay ? Me: I'm fine Girl: that's good my name is Katia what's yours? Me: I'm Alex, but it was nice to met you I kind of have to get my book Katia: you want me to help you ? Me: I'm fine As I walk away from Katia I think to myself what am I doing leaving this beautiful girl. I frown as I walk to the office and get my books. A couple hours later it was lunch time. I told myself that I'm goin to talk to that girl again. I grab my lunch and I look for her but instead a group of guys came over to me So you the newbie that
Guy: you the newbie that wants to join ? Me : yes Guy: good names Aaron Me: I'm alex, but you know where I can find Katia at? Aaron: dude don't go for Katia she's Troy the guy that beat your *** Alex: dang really I walk away from Aaron I frown as if I just lost something important to me but it was after school already and its time for tryouts so I change to the football uniforms and I run out to the field . As I get to the Aaron was there with Tory and the cheerleaders where there two and I see that Tory is talking to one. I think to myself that must be Katia. Time to make my move as I walk over to Aaron and the girls. Me: hey Aaron Aaron: dang bro didn't think you would come out but hey met some cheerleaders As all the girls say their name. I wasn't really paying any attention to them all I could look at is Katia but then out of nowhere Tory comes out of nowhere and throw the football to my face. Alex: what the heck was that for ! Tory: pay attention next time punk ! I just walk away and then after that tryouts have began few hours later I was on my game hitting all my passes and stuff. The couch asked me to stay after practice was over. Couch: Alex I'm afraid I have some bad news for you Me: what is it? Couch: I'm afraid you have made starting QB Me: what no way !!!! How is that bad news Couch: you have to deal with Tory After that my heart drop to my stomach. I was shocked that I made starting QB but what will Tory do to me when he finds out. Their goes my face.
It was the next day as I just park my car in my spot guess who was waiting for me Tory ........ Tory: punk get out her As I slowly get out my car just waiting to see what will happen to my face my body or even my throwing arm ... Me: I'm here Tory: punk you took my spot from me and I have to teach you a lesson now Me: oh gosh what you goin to do beat me up ? After I said that Tory took a swing to my face and I fell to the ground, but got up and uppercut him. People started to gather around watching the fight. Tory got up and tackle me to the ground, me squirming to get free but couldn't he had me in a lock. Tory: now you see punk you don't mess with me but you can have the QB spot I still have my girl. He got up and
._. separate paragrahs, separate dialogue from paragraphs, too short of an update... and finish the update before yu post
Dialogue shouldn't be that way. Put these "" around your dialogue if you want it to be better. Separate your paragraphs and watch out for grammar and spelling.