Chuck Norris Jokes

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by FootIongSandwich, Nov 8, 2012.

  1. Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris Stories.
     
  2. Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia, fear of small spaces is called claustrophobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called logic
     
  3. Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage go tell him yet
     
  4. All these are from when you all googled "Chuck Norris Jokes" and clicked the first result, wasn't it? 
     
  5. Chuck Norris doesn't have a chin under his beard.. Fore there is only another fist
     
  6.  boring and overused 
     
  7. I know it is but do you got anything better.... Enlighten us with your wisdom of Chuck Norris jokes
     
  8. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
     
  9. I don't care where you get them they're funny
     
  10. Chuck Norris got a big mac from burger king.
     
  11. Chick Norris was the original Beegees 
     
  12. Chuck Norris got a Whopper from McDonalds
     
  13. Chuck Norris can gargle with peanut butter.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t wear sunscreen… The sun wears Chuck screen.

    Chuck Norris doesn't need twitter, he's already following you.

    Chuck Norris took the bite out of the Apple™ logo.

    There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

    Some magicians can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

    Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.

    Everybody tries to be perfect... Perfection tries to be Chuck Norris

    When Chuck Norris was asked if he believed that the world was going to end in 2012 he resonded: "Depends how I'm feeling that day."

    Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

    Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

    Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

    Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

    Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience

    Chuck Norris can single handedly surround his victims.

    When Chuck Norris looks at himself at a mirror, there is no reflection. There can only be one Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

    Chuck Norris was supposed to star in the tv show 'Man vs Wild', but the network did not want kids thinking 'lava is safe to eat'.

    Chuck Norris doesn't need a GPS. Chuck Norris decides where he is.

    When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

    Chuck Norris is the only man to punch a cyclops between the eyes

    Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest

    Chuck Norris was born on February 30th.

    Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.

    Only Chuck Norris can dislike on Facebook

    The sheep on Chuck Norris' farm are the ones that give us steel wool.

    Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.

    Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

    Chuck Norris can speak braille.

    When Chuck Norris throws a boomerang it doesn't dare come back

    Chuck Norris does not fart, nothing escapes Chuck Norris

    Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird

    Chuck Norris kicked planet earth, and it hasn't stopped spinning to this day.

    There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

    Unstoppable force meeting an immovable object? Chuck Norris clapping.

    Chuck Norris can leave a message before the beep.

    Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

    Chuck Norris can unscramble eggs.

    Chuck Norris doesn't fight, he just allows you to lose.
     
  14. there is a certain player on VIP we could easily do jokes like this on 
     
  15. Is it bad I know this much about Chuck Norris? It feels kinda... Stalkerish 
     
  16. I saw these all on a website. Thanks google. 
     
  17. A King Cobra once bit Chuck Norris, and after 5 days of excruciating pain...... The cobra died.
     
  18. Chuck Norris was once bitten by a snake, 5 days later the snaked died.