This is the first paragraph of a short story I am working on. I would really appreciate constructive criticism, advice and pointers. ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• I stumble into the bathroom, falling upon my knees, I lift the toilet seat. Hunching over the toilet I throw up the contents that filled my stomach. Straightening up I wipe my mouth using the back of my arm, luckily for me I only vomitted water, no stomach acid burned my throat. As I calmed my breathing I stare at the toilet seat. The white paint had started to chip in various places, it now showed me it's wooden underside. I tilt my head in wonderment of how these beings didn't get splinters on them upon using the bathroom. I am brought back to the present as I hear a small noise, turning my head in the direction it came from I see a small movement. Slowly, I move into the room and look around, then I hear something fall tongue ground that is proceeded with a dial tone. Sighing I look around and find what I am looking for on the bed. It lays next to the gutted pillow, its feathery insides everywhere now. Grinning I wipe the blade off, on the stomach of my shirt, as I step closer to my victim. She stares at me with wide eyes, pleading with them to let her live. But I can't do that. Oh no. She knows what I look like, she'd describe me to the police in a heartbeat. I cannot let that happen. It'd ruin my life, my career, and my family. The beating of her heart must cease before I leave.
Wow, love it. Few comments though: grammar and keep your tense. Either be in the past or present tense. Really interesting.