short song I wrote! hope you enjoy

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Entity_Of-The_Beast, Oct 22, 2012.

  1. If only I knew wrong.
    If ONLy I could hold on
    without even falling off.
    Thought I was in the balance once!n for all. But then again - I WAS WRONG.
    I MADE MYSELF FALL.
    fell asleep, On the edge of a cloud
    Slipped, fell off. Bound to the ground.
    Fell into a deeper sleep.
    Like a drop of water filled with a dream.
    A sun ray transformed into a drip of rain.
    I LET GO! Now I have to face the pain. I am conscious of my selfishness. I AM ASHAMED.
    OH, MY GOD, please don't let my existence be invane.
     
  2. As a song writer to another, it was alright. I'm not saying it was horrible because it definitely wasn't. A good tip is to organize it by:
    •First Verse
    •Chorus
    •Second Verse
    •Bridge
    And so on. Also, I really liked how you used caps for exaggeration.
     
  3. Not bad but organize it a bit.
     
  4.  Congratz for having the courage to share some of your work. Ik I wouldn't be able to lol
     
  5. Mas o Menos!!
     
  6. Nice, well it seems like a draft of an actual song so it's good. Not formatted correctly, but that's okay. It just seems good for you, because it obviously holds it's meaning for you. I would agree with the first comment on alright. =)
     
  7. Wow I cant write a song!My songs are like this I've been holding on so very tight I killed want to let go because I know I'll hurt you righ! I don't wanna go let go off you! Im awful!!!
     
  8. I Liked It, Very Deep.. Just needs to be organized a lil bit but Overall. Great Job! ♪♪♬
     
  9. Thts really good keep up the good work