Alright, this is my first story!! I hope you enjoy it! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was 4:53 in the morning when I was woken up by call. I sat up and picked up my phone from the night stand. It was Elizabeth. I answered saying, "what do you want? It's almost 5am!" sounding with panic she whispered into the phone, "Grace, I think theres someone in my house..." I slowly said to her, "don't worry I'm on my way!" I got up and slipped on a pair of converse, slipping my phone into my pocket and wrapping my coat around me. I rushed down the stairs and out the front door to my car, I got in, turned it on, pulled out of the drive way and sped down the road. I avrrived at Liz's house and got out. I walked around back and entered the house through the back door. I paused as I saw a man figure. I bolted out of the house and behind a bush when I pulled out my phone and called Liz. She answered, "what? Are you here?!" I whispered into the phone, "yes, I'm behind a bush in your backyard, but liz...", she asked, "what?", I slowly whispered into the phone, "Elizabeth, he's back.."
For your dialogue~Use punctuation after it, capitalize the first letter, and start a new paragraph when a new person is speaking. Also, don't rush. Go a little slower. Let the suspense build up, but don't go so slowly it's boring. But I like the story! ^.^ Bump!
There was a silence. "Liz? You there?" I asked. She answered "yes! And you mean "he" as In Allan?". I hesitated and said, "yes...Allan. Allan Winchester." She gasped and asked, "Allan Winchester, as in Allan the obsessed Allan!!?" I answered, "yes your ex!" I hung up and put my phone back in my pocket. I peeked up from behind the bush to see Liz getting ready to climb out her bedroom window. I then looked over to the back door seeing Allan peek outside. I snuck out from behind the bush and met Liz at the side of the house and gave her my car keys whispering in her ear, "here, go to my place! I'll meet you there!" she took the keys and went to my car. I carefully went inside with a knife in my hand. I hear Liz drive off down the street when Allan stops and notices she's gone. Allan knew I was in the house he just didn't know where. I was behind him. I tapped him on the shoulder and he turned around.
Thankz guys!! I write the story when I have time! I shld be updating everyday! Maybe more then once a day!
UPDATE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ He said in a creepy tone, "Well look who it is...Grace Jackson." He then got closer grabbing my hips. I kneed him in between the legs. "You son of a gun!" I said to him and ran out the front door. I kept running when I heard the front door opening and closing. He chased me yelling, "GET YOUR AS$ BACK HERE!" I kept running and running and running as fast as I could. I finally reached my house and ran inside through the front door. Turning around and locking it behind me. I look to the left of me and see Elizabeth sitting on the stairs. She looked scared. I ran around the house locking all the doors and windows and double checking to see if they were locked properly. I then come over to the stairs and sits beside Liz. "How long have you been awake?" I asked "About 14 hours...I was reading when I heard him. I couldn't sleep." "Then we need to get you to bed" I took her up stairs and to the guest bedroom. I gave her a pair of purple sweat pants and a black t-shirt. She went into the bathroom to change while I made the bed ready for her to get in. She comes out and puts her dark, long red hair into a pony tail. She gets in bed and gets comfortable. "Hey I'll be up later to check on you. For the mean time, I'll be down stairs." I said to her with a smile on my face. I left the room turning the light off and shutting the door behind me. I went down stairs and into the kitchen. I fixed my self a cup of coffee, when suddenly the door that leads to the basement opens.