"Dante, Dante!!!!" was the only voice I heard behind sounds of fighting, gunshots, and screams. Chapter 1: New Beginning 7 Years Earlier "Hey Dante" were the voices coming from behind me. I remember those voices from anywhere. I turned around quickly and yelled awfully loud "Monique, Derek, Susan, Peter, Zoë, and Kyle". They were my greatest group of friends in the world next to my friend Nyesowaty but that’s a different story. They were all mixed just like me. Oh yeah I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Dante Charlton heir of the Charlton fortune, I am a 17 year old African-American, Italian, and Jamaican male and my best friend since I was little was Monique Stakebull. She was a true friend and her parents have the greatest job in the world. They are archaeologists by day and vampire hunters by night; they told me this after their trip to Transylvania which I asked to join. Ok now back to the story. "What do you guys want to catch up on 'the day is still young and alive'" after that statement all hell broke loose. Monique burst into tears and ran like a motorcycle on a speedway, Zoë and Susan broke into a frantic dash to catch up to her. They must've been going mighty fast because with a in a blink of an eye they were gone. “What happened" was the only thing running through my mind. Monique didn't come to school for the past two weeks. The next morning about to become three weeks no show I decided to go to their house. When I reached the Stakebull house, the sight took the wind out of me even though I have seen it a million times before. It was their family's prized heirloom house more like a mansion or castle anyway you want to put it, but at that moment as I was thinking a group of black S.U.V.'s drove by slowly soon as it reached the middle of the group they stop "hmmm must be a funeral but for whom I know everyone on this street and none of them have passed away" just at that very moment a black vehicle passed rapidly out of the StakeBull drive-way then I noticed out the corner of my eye somebody just watching me from the car that stop, I was about to leave when the car sped off when I caught a glimpse of the person staring at me "MONIQUE!!!!!" I shouted. I went on my way to catch the car then a few minutes later I reached the car and opened the door to and got in. "Why didn't you come to school and are you going to a funeral?" I asked "I'm going to answer that question backwards" she said her voice was breaking a little bit "yes we are going to a funeral and the reason I left school was because...........my parents died. I screamed “What, how!” “They went on a trip to Las Vegas on the case of another series of vamp. attacks, they never came back for two weeks when they did it was in a body bag.” I couldn’t take it and passed out. I woke up in a dark room feeling different than I was before "ughh what happened to me?" I said expecting someone to answer "you passed out and we brought you to our secret base" the person answered "who are you and what am I wearing?" I asked in response "I'm someone you know personally and your wearing something new to cover your identity" I stood up when the lights turned on, I was right I was wearing something different it was a tight but snuggish white tee with a light blue-ish green-ish jeans and a grayish spider back-pack and I saw the person no, people it was all my friends and a few others. They were the SAAVE aka (S)aviors (A)dvocates(A)gainst (V)ampires (E)ternally, now I was one to. Our leader was Monique (Coach), our tech and vampire researcher was Peter (Wiz), our weapons specialist was Kyle (aka pyromaniac), our athletics guide was Derek (Jock), our weapons coach was yours truly, our armor maker was Susan (Tailor) and the rest were just starting or didn’t have a job. "Everybody Everybody I've invented something that kills vamps. mighty faster than light here let me show you" Kyle said with true excited voice then he pulled out a test dummy and took his weapon that kind of looked a red and black stick with electricity shooting out of it "It looks like something easy for me to train people with" I said He then pointed the weapon at the dummy and it exploded "WHOA, DANG, COOL" were being screamed back and forth. That same day I got ready to train everybody with the new weapon the AK-Mini Shocker which was easy for me to develop a move to in a matter of minutes. Our first mission was issued at Death Valley, Cali there was a report that people mainly chubby would be missing for two weeks and come back with a bunch of holes in where major blood lines were found. It was all around a supermarket. We set our trap we had one of our chubby member's play as bait by buying things that increased blood, it was the starting of phase 1. "Guys I got the bait hot and ready, the site is 291 Hive Ave." Amy said over the phone "come back to HQ we got something for you." I told her. Amy came back 30 minutes later "what cha got for me?” Amy said “it’s the new armor substance that covers you so when you if get bitten you won't lose blood nor get bitten but it does leak artificial poisonous blood and it camouflages into your skin to look like it’s yours “I said "nice that will help us so much" she said quickly after me. Later on that week became game time we finished all our final tweaks and preps. We sent Amy on her way only to surround the site with all our members with charged weapons what a wondrous sight. Soon as Amy got in the house we waited for our signal a few seconds later an alarm that only sounded to everyone’s head-set went off. We broke the door, window, and one side of the wall as we charged in everything went in slow-motion. It was an epic fight to the death; it was so long the morning sun started rising, the gang of vamps all burnt expect for their boss who we later found out was a day walker (a half human, half vampire). “Really we missed one just one!” Derek yelled furiously “Calm down man” I said right after him.
Good, a little typos here and there but I like it, still I would use more descriptions to help describe and develop your characters more
Update ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chapter 2:The Dreadful day Two months had passed since our last mission, but we had a feeling that something big was bound to happen, we were right. "Man, am I bored" I said with the sweat from the summer heat beating down on me. "Thats your fault, I told you not to try to train with that new weapon" Monique said with a bit of anger in her voice, well you couldn't blame her leading a large group like that was hard even for this beautiful girl. "I'm sorry, how was I to know Kyle's weapon would shut down all electronics" I managed to say with guilt. That's when it happened, the room filled with screams and red, what was going on? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I know its short. Sorry
New Update. Is longer. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I was able to open my eyes for only a second, but what I saw, would take days to take in. I woke up. "Ahhhh" I had woken up in a hospital bed, hitting myself to remove the imaginary flames to was engulfing my body. When I finally stop, something was different. I found lots of strength in my average looking body, to get up and run to the window. "No,No this can't be real" it was, the city that I once called home was now destroyed and was swarming with monsters and demons. I grabbed a pipe which broke easily with a couple hits and pulls. I looked out to check the hall ways, man were they red, a bit like hell would look. I ran out ignoring all the rooms but one, a light moan came out then another "Who is it" I whispered, "Dante?" It was Amy.
Just pm me your updates before you post them and ill go and revise common mistakes and stuff then you can post on here
Amy walked out into the flame red corridor, "Hey Dante, did you check outside yet?" Amy said fear linning her voice "Yeah, but how did this happen" I said with the same amount of fright in my voice. The lights in the mysterious building came on, man were we wrong, the room was a blinding white. "Owww, that light stings" Amy cried, covering her eyes. I decided to check the other rooms, in case there were more SAAVE members around. There were about 3/4 of the group there, including Kyle, Zõe, and Derek. "Where is the rest of the team?" Derek asked, you could see him meantly preparing for the worst. I started to answer that Amy was right behind me when I realized she had vanished. Where was Amy? She was here a minute ago. I ran and found a elevator closing with Amy in it.
"Amy!" I screamed at the the top of my lungs. Why did she have to be the curious one? I remember the first time I met her. ~2 days after I joined SAAVE~ I walked down the long light blue hallway that, to me was stupid. As I walked a light Skinned girl pounced me pushing me down in a expert tackling position her dark jeans covering clearly powerful legs. "Ow ow my ribs, your sitting on my ribs." I yelled my ribs feeling like they were on fire. "Oh sorry, didn't mean to hurt you." The mystery girl said with wide eyes, feeling sorry she almost crushed a person who only been there for two days. As she got up, I took a look at my mystery attacker. She had brownish, black pig tails that curled at the end and sat on her shoulders. She was wearing a punk shirt with a bloody skull. "Do you go around tackling everyone you see?" I asked brushing myself off. "No, I only do that when I like that person's butt." She smirked and raised one eyebrow, wow this girl perverted. "Uhh thanks." I replied. "No problem." She purred and grabbed my butt. I backed away quickly and started back down the long, light blue hallway wanting to get away from the girl and her grabby hands.