Going to finally create a story without love! Im going to try even if i fail! >:3 This first update is going to be pretty short cause im still brainstorming ideas and im pretty destracted cause my dog George is nomming on my feet... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chapter 1: Wishing I was Invisible... Monday... The worst day of the week and i have to get up at 6AM... But i awakened myself and brushed my fingers through my glossy long black hair that was messed around my face. I went into my bathroom and looked in the mirror. I muttered to myself: "God... Such an ugly *****." I grabbed my brush and dragged it through my hair actually making myself cry because it have knots in it. I had to look in the mirror yet again to put on my black eyeliner, mascara, black eyeshadow and purple lipstick. I applied it all very thickly. I could've used white make up for my skin colour but i was already pale as a cotton wool pad! I went back into my bedroom and shoved on my usual, Black top with red patches, black toght skirt and black leggings, heavy black boots and deep purple hair extentions. I got all my **** together and ran out the house –without my breakfast and nothing of a goodbye– to catch the bus. I almost missed the bus but I just made it by seconds... To be honest i wouldnt care if I missed it or not. Everyone hates me, not because I have done something to them or anything... Its just because im the goth kid. I wish i was invisible to them... I wish they were invisible to me... They irritate me so much with their bright or pink outfits... Most of the girls look like pansies or barbie dolls... They are all fake! I made my way onto the bus and took the first seat that caught my attention. The front seat. The bus had one more stop to go. One of the kids from that stop got on... He was actually thinking about sitting next to me! I was so shocked I was speechless for a couple of seconds! "Em..." I muttered. But then i snapped back to reality and said: "Well, No... I'm a little loner... The invisible girl... Why would you want to sit next to me?" "Cause one, there are no seats left and two, I'm a loner as well so i dont really care who i sit next to.." He said. "Well... Alright then loner, I'm Jade. You?" I asked He replied "Thomas, but you can call me Tom" Wow... Made my first friend... on the bus! Who knew a goth invisible girl like me would be able to have friends?! Tom... I think i like this kid, he's alright... Meh. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Still going to ne no romance so dont think anything of he making a new friend thats a guy..... Additional note:.......... CUPCAKES!!! >:3
I dislike it when people use silly, clichéd, unoriginal and crappy stereotypes for goths. 'purple extensions' and 'everybody hates me'? Really? I'm not trying to be offensive. Far from that. But just reading the first few paragraphs made me want to pray for humanity because of the shitload of fake stereotypes used in stories nowadays. A small part of humanity isn't this superficial and shallow. Unless there's a reason behind why this person hates herself, or the way she dresses, then I'm going to look forward to an update. Oh, a few grammar mistakes and don't rush character introduction. It makes things seem a bit rushed and unenjoyable. Use descriptive words as well. My advice to you? Don't turn it into some cheesy, goth/joke goth/goth romance triangle or whatever. High school romance is a cliche. Good luck!
It's a story.. Let the writer tell it.. Not you, give him some advice.. But don't tell him what to do
I'm not telling him what to do. It's called criticism, and suggestions. I'm telling the writer what routes he shouldn't take, as if you continue on with a certain plot it would make the story look like shit. :|
Really, I agree with Chloe in both terms. It would be nice for it not be a cliche, that's all. the general idea. :3Chloe, you still rock in every way possible, doesn't matter. I love your criticism. Bump!
And i dont really know any goths irl so i was just using stereotypical-ness... (<--- is that even a word? ) so sorry if its crap i was just bored and decided to tr an make a story! :3
Oh, I'm sorry again if I came off as rude or anything. It's just that the amount of stereotypes being used in stories nowadays is just saddening. Maybe you shouldn't base a main character off something you're not really sure about... But if you want, you could do a bit of researching! :3
Nothing wrong with what you said Goldia, you were just criticising and i think it helps me if you criticise. :3 if someone compliments, its an great story... If someone criticises, its alright but needs improving so i take that criticising pretty good. :3