"Drink drink drink!!!! Ahhhhh!" I gulp more beer while my buds chant and we all chug down beer we drank and drank then nothin. Next morning. "Why the heck we on the floor?" my best friend Seth asked. "Ihh my head" said joe the tractor dude. "Is my penis wet?" asked eddie the funny dude. "That was awsome!" Yelled me Eric. I walk up to the bath room I see four babes passed out. "Guys!" they run in. "Oh fuck." Ed says. "Check there Persus for names!!!" I tell and we find there names. Abby Elyse Gwen Maddy."I think Abby was mine?" "Gwen was me" joe says. "Elyese was me!" yells Seth. "I guess Maddy was me?" Eddie says
Daddy it's good but needs more details and it's like all rushed and smushed together, spread it out more instead of all at once
It's good but a few tips: •Add punctuation in some parts. •Use capital letters for names. •Add more detail. •Put a new line for each person speaking,to make it clearer. •Don't shorten words, unless it's how someone is saying them. •Make the updates a little longer.