I was walking up a snowy hill with a man im with this man because im unwanted my family left me alone just recently my mother was always upset and my brothers and sisters angry i became a delinquent in my small town i only did id for attention i started to steal i got in fights i lost most oh and my name is Tom im 5'4 Bronx hair and eyes like my father i Have never met him though my mother hates him. We got to the top of the hill and i collapsed the man draped me inside when i awoke we talked about my chores and my upkeep it lasted a while he told me to get some rest but i asked him his name and he said Will he left and i cried because that was my fathers name
Firstly, periods and punctuation please Secondly, paragraphs would be nice Thirdly, I have no idea where this story is going so new update please. Fourthly, capitalization and grammar are other biggies
Update It has been a few weeks living with Will, he is nice,friendly,cairing and most of all the father i never Had. He has a Dughter and her name is Alice i dont see her often but i think im falling for her i wonder if thats strange. He sat me down again and told me about my father and what i was confused about was that He fit the discription he stoped suddenly when Alice came over for a visit they chatted for houres whilst i did my chores. When Alice was leaving she apriched me and said goodbye but what i was most startled about was she kissed me it wasnt a passionet one just a small and cute one on my cheek and i felt then go red she left and i was still standing there. When i went back inside Will said he would tell me who my father is next time Alice came over so i think thats what thet talked about. I went to bed straight after dinner and couldnt sleep it was about 2 in the morning when i finally fell asleep. Please Critisize Comment and Follow me I Would love sone feed bavk and if you liked it please tell others
It has been a week since i last saw Alice, i miss her and so does Wil, ive done my chores for the day and was getting ready for bed but Will walked up to me and said "We need to talk about your father whith or without Alice." But at that very second she walked through the door she looked as pretty as ever her long brown hair lightly coverd in snow and her emrald green eyes glistoning in the light of the fire i relised i was staring at her and i stoped almost immediatly "Sorry i havent been around dad ive been with Kieren.' "Whos Kieren Alice?" Will said "Oh Kierens my boyfriend." My heart died i felt angry and upset untill Will said "Tom now about your father i new him since he was a child." i waited and i felt like i was going to cry "My boy Will was my brother .. My twin infact we were identical." I was in shock he answerd some questions that were in my head and then i relised he said "We were" i quickly asked "WHAT do you mean WERE!" It was Alice who spoke up "Tom your fathers dead." she choked on the last words and she started to cry I looked down and stood up. Will said "Tom are you ok?" Tears fell from my eyes and i ran for the door i opend it and kept running untill i fell i cryed for what felt like years untile i relised Alice was with me, she knelt down be side me and lifted my chin "Tom i love you!" I was dumbfounded "What about this Kieren boy that you are dating!!" "Hes not real i lied." Hey guys comment Critisize and follow Hope its better and that you like it Thanks If You Read It