This is my first story so please read and tell me what you think ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I quickly started to write the letter before they took me, it started like this: This letter that i am writing is so you know i am still alive, i didn't want to be taken, i didn't really have a choice. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and i saw something i really shouldn't of. They killed a girl. My best friend, Ruzza. They shot her and put her body in a black bag, then they saw me and took me. They drugged me. If my parents are reading this, i am sorry if you are worrying, i am sorry for everything i've put you through. My hand stopped writing, I could hear screams and gun shots, they were ready to move. The men who took me grabbed my arms and dragged me out of the room. I was kicking and screaming my parent's names....
(Very nice don't forget though length is important to as well as detail but not too much detail detail can be your best friend or your worst nightmare ~the dark critic~)
Screw this, ima update now ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ the men dragged me into a van, i couldn't see what type it was or color, i just knew it was a van because of the noise the engine was making. They had put a sack over my head, it was gently prickling my face. I still had the letter in my hand, the letter the police would find some day. I dropped it on the dusty grey concrete and sighed. I hoped they would just kill me, shoot me now i thought in my head, just shoot me. In the van the men were watching me, i was tied with thin rope which was burning my skin everytime i moved. My long blonde hair was tattered in clumps and sticky with sweat. One of the men spoke to me, he was young, quite good looking with spiked brown hair, i couldn't see his eyes, "so, whats ur name?" he asked in a calm tone "i...im shiva, shiva forbeman," i stuttered a little "nice name, i'm gwaine. I was taken by these when i was 10, they brought me up." "oh...okay?" I looked at the other men and thought to myself, brought him up? More like stole him away and taught him to be a kidnapper and killer!!! Gwaine uncut the ropes and smiled at me, "there you go shiva, i could see they were hurting you." He took his dark sunglasses off to reveal brilliant green eyes, i stared into them for a while then a heard him chuckle, "like my eyes then?" "y-yes i do" i blushed a little ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Could this be a romance coming on? Keep reading to find out
(Very nice but don't forget length is also essential to a gripping story you want each update short enough that people read but long enough to have a while before another update and also remember when someone speaks start a new paragraph ~the dark critic~)
I like this story, I don't know where it's going but that's just keeping me on the tips of my toes update when you can but don't rush