Ok when u read PLZ comment or post tips it helps me write thanks alot! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1 I wince when I feel the sword cut my arm but I stand there not wincing and the crowner stares at me in his eyes I see that no kings ever not yelled and I know I'll be great a smile broadly and my head healer/magician asks. "Sir shall I heal ur wound?" I look at him like he's crazy but I reply. "No let our foes who the King really is." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ That's not the end I just wanna know if I should keep writing and helpful tips and comments
Needs detail, length, and grammer. So far from what you've given a good plot though, however due to lack of grammer and description I found it a little hard to follow.
Continue..... ------------------------------------------------------------------------- I snap out of my memory and I remember it's my special day and my Soon To Be Queen is waiting. I stand up and walk to the altar and then after a short while the music plays and she walks in and I remember the day I met her. It was two years after I became long her father an old noble was introducing her to me I fell in love with her right there her beautiful brown hair hazel eyes and chizled features and then we started talking. We talked and then we started meeting in secrets once a once a month then once a week then every day and then I asked her father for her hand and he told me. "Yes but, don't brake her heart she will never marry again." I told the old noble."I'd never hurt her I love her forever." I see her walking up in her white dress and I look at her with love in my eyes and then the priest says something I don't catch but then I hear." You may kiss the bride." I lift her vail and put my hands behind her head and kisses her and everyone yells and cheers and we run out and Seattle on my black hoarse BlackFire and we ride to a cartage next to Lake Ellister.
Needs better organization, check your sentences abd grammer. I have a hard time understanding what's happening.
Don't quit! This is pretty good! It just needs organization, that's all, from what I can see it's interesting