I'm makin a lil story comment errors or if I need to end it thx!! I stare up at the ceiling then I glance at the clock 3am school today ugh I think to myself. I've been thinking bout the girl I like all summer she's beautiful she has perfect chiseled features and she doesn't know I'm alive! Oh I forgot I'm Jack Thomson caption of all the guys sports prize running bak for the westward heights Aztecs and the girl I like is Abby Rodgers shes the caption of the cheer squad and she's nice and king and not stick up like most poupular girls. 3 hours later I get out of bed and go down stairs and eat some Cheerios and think about Abby some more. Then, my next door neighbor aka my best friend Seth Williams come over and yells. " School time capt!" I run out with my backpack and we run to school. I ultametly win bc I'm 7'0 and he 6'6. We run to home room just makes it and there in front of me is Abby. I ask her. "let me see ur schedule" she hands it and we got every class to gather!
Chapter Two Abby I smiled when I saw me and jack had the same classes I really liked him and he was really nice and funny I wanted to kiss him right now but I just couldnt because one were in school two idk if he likes me "Abby u gonna do cheer leading?" he whisperd too me. I thought I sec then said." yea prob." he smiles at me and said. " my first touchdown ins score for u ok?" I started blushing do bad I tried hiding my face. I nod and smiled. I look at his brown hair and hiss hazel eyes and they twinkles when he smiled Awww he do cute! "Jack, ur an awesome guy." I smiled at him and he smiled back.
It's great but instead of using idk you should put I don't know and things like that. Its an awesome story though xoxo
You lack a bunch of commas that are needed to avoid run on sentences. And like the others have pointed out, it's better not to use abbreviations. But bump
Chapter 3 Jack When me and abb's walk home I give her a piggy back and she laughs all the way. Lucky me she my next door neighbor so I asked my mom if she could hang out she said "no funny business but you two have fun." So I picked her up and we ran around my back yard and she chased me and we tumbled down the hill and she giggled and I smiled into her blue eyes that make any guy love her. I put one ear plug in my ear one in hers and put on Ne-Yo Let me Love you and she looks at me like. " why this song?" I just bob my head to the beat and my head is thinking bout her like always so I just try to act like Jack.
In some places, you need to fix your grammar. For example, when you said, "lucky me she my next door neighbor," you should say "I'm lucky that she's my next door neighbor", or something like that.