So, I wish I had a chapter so I could have an excuse to post. Alas. I don't have an update (shameful, I know) D: So I'll just address my one scrap of criticism xP Thesaurus- I tend to write the way I speak. It seems less artificial when I don't use a thesaurus. When I write, it needs to sound like me. Not like I took a bunch of words I didn't understand and put them into the wrong context, and ended up sounding like a pretentious loser. So yeah. My vocabulary's actually quite extensive, but that's the reason behind me not using it. On another note, I lost my story outline, so there might not be an update for a couple of days. If I find it/yell at P to find it for me, it'll be sooner.
All you had to do is just ask me to forward the email to you. Because unlike someone *glares* I have the forward planning to keep the outline. *glares* Or you could perhaps I don't know, remember it?
A/N: Hey, guys. I decided to split this chapter into two parts, because it's going to be long >.< I'm sooo sorry for not keeping to a schedule. I've got procrastination issues. That, and I haven't been very good at writing lighthearted stuff lately. ,_, Well. Um. Here it is! }*{ "All the girls are going LOVE this!" Brittany squealed, she was excited by her ever increasing amount of creases, to the point where strangers on the street were giving her obnoxious squealing odd looks. "And Sheila is gonna be excited, and Becky will almost faint with shock." Brittany whispered to herself, imagining all the great things that will now happen, "… And then Aiden will say I look sexy." She paused. Someone across the road from her swore that they could feel the hatred in those few moments of silence "Aiden." She growled. Her phone had not buzzed with the exciting ring of a text for half of the day. She was about to throw a miniature tantrum. 'NO!' She thought, 'Stress gives you white hairs and wrinkles, I must try kitten therapy.' Thoughts of cute baby cats drifting through her head, Brittany's rage was ebbing away quickly. Even in her kitten-induced gaze, a sleepy thought arose. It would be back, it would be explosive, and she was going to throw a tantrum no matter who tried to stop it. ~•~ "I need a place to think. I, like, can't go more than a day without planning shopping, and my outfits, and my dates with Aiden!" Brittany muttered to herself as she strolled down yet another random street. She enjoyed strutting down chaotic roads, to show off her outfit and other things. She flashed a glance down the road. Merry little shops and a handful of cafés sprinkled the sides of the road, with the exception of a shop clothed in black and purple. "Oh. My. Gosh!" Brittany squealed yet again, a shrill, piercing sounds that likely shattered the eardrums of all passersby. "I, like, love that color scheme!" A sign hung above the shop's doorway. It was a small, white sign, 'Le Café de L'Amour Sombre' written in an elegant black scrawl that Brittany barely recognized as cursive. After a few minutes of looking confusedly at the sign, she managed to make out the letters. "What's that supposed to mean?" oBrittany said under her breath to herself as she meandered slowly into the café. "Is it German? I know German. Hola!" The interio was an almost dementedly menacing one- although some of the posters that lined the walls were of smiling coffee bean farmers and of cups coffee, the others included black love hearts framed in silver and dark teardrops. Brittany strolled up to the counter, completely oblivious to the fact that the seats were the heads of dragons, glaring red eyes staring mindlessly into the buttocks of those sitting on them. Brittany was lost in the chaotic world of her texts. Her current five contacts were named Petunia, Riley, Veronica, Delaney, and Adriana- or something. She switched bratty friends every few days. "lol, wnt 2 meet up sum tim? jst got creases. Lol" Brittany's glittery fingernail rapped against the screen of her phone. Almost instantly her phone buzzed in response. "creases? lol, cum c my nw shoos." The response was from Veronica. The brat looked up just before she collided head on with the counter. Brittany was confronted by a large woman, with greasy hair was tied up with bun and a mole just underneath her chin that jutted out awkwardly at an angle. On her gothic black uniform there was a miniscule name tag with even smaller letters that Brittany picked out to say, "Café de l'amour sombre. Hello. My name is Megan." "Would you like something hun?" Megan said in a monotone. Brittany looked at the large chalkboard behind Megan. Ignoring the several drops of what appeared to be blood, she read through the menu. She made it through a few items' names before getting bored. Dark Coffee, Cappuccino of Love, Demon's Tea, Devil's Food Cake, and Heartache Cake. After a pause, Brittany tapped the pitch black countertop with a sparkling nail. “Food makes people fat, like you. Give me a frappuccino with a triple serving of vanilla creamer, whipped cream, and caramel." Megan raised an eyebrow and glared at Brittany for a few seconds, who was picking at her nail polish with pursed lips. After two more, Brittany looked up. "Well? Move it, hag." A single blood red fingernail rose, punched in a few numbers, and fell back to its place on the black countertop. Making a face, Brittany handed her a fifty. "That's enough right? Five dollars?" Megan nodded slowly and served her her frappuccino. "Have a nice day." Brittany sniffed, and made her way to a seat. After a few sips, she wrinkled her nose and pulled out her phone. A handful of texts later, she looked up and straight into the eyes of someone who was obviously a god. A French god... "Hey, you." She noted that his flirting skills were a bit off, but his voice was just oh so sexy... She bit her glossed lip and flashed him a wink. "Hey. What brings you here?" She used the time it took for him to formulate a response to drool over his muscles and somewhat formal suit. His eyes were a deep chocolatey brown a few shades darker than his hair, and he had a moustache that, sadly, did not curl at the edges. Nevertheless, he was gorgeous. Oh so very gorgeous. -- And thus, we end this installment of the romance bashing! What will this mysterious, supposedly sexy gentleman's response to the brat's obsessive drooling be? I don't know x.x So. Um. See you next time on the Venefirous show!
Chapter Two, Part Two-- Do You Know The Mustache Man? Note from the author: Do you know the mustache man, the mustache man, the mustache man. Do you know the mustache man, who lives on RANDOM FRENCH DUDES DON'T REALLY SMELL LIKE CUPCAKES, BE WARNED lane! Uhm... Yeah. Read at your own risk? Contains vomit and cupcakes. Apologies for typos. }*{ Brittany gasped for air like a fish out of water. Her heart fluttered dramatically as he leaned in closer, whispering in her ear. "Do I need a reason to come see a beautiful blonde?" The eavesdropping employee, Megan, let out a gigantic coughing fit. The god glanced behind him before turning back around. Brittany heard nothing but the coughing. Between Megan's hacking coughs, the god heard something like, "Blonde means stupid, you dumb shit. Flirt better if you actually want the girl." He didn't need her advice. He smiled inwardly. The girl across from him was already falling at his feet, drowning in a puddle of her own saliva. She smiled a lazy smile. "So." "Sooooo." He echoed, smiling that gorgeous smile that he knew got the girls. Brittany smiled back. She sipped her frappé, which she had been ignoring for the last fifteen minutes as she drooled. "Name and number?" "You mean name, rank, and serial number?" Brittany looked confused, but let out a fake laugh. Okay, so she really was stupid. He had been right to call her blonde. Megan was resisting a humongous chuckle as Brittany laughed her shallow, artificial laugh. The god wondered if she had ever had surgery on her vocal cords to make them sound even blonder than normal as she yammered on. Eventually, she ran out of breath. She blinked at him expectantly. Shit, he thought to himself. He had no clue what to do. "I'm sorry," he breathed into her ear. "What did you say again? I got lost of the labyrinth of your eyes." She looked confused again. Damn, this girl was stupid. She didn't know what labyrinth meant? But then she smiled a horrible attempt at a mysterious smile, and told him again. "... And so I said, that dress makes you look so nerdy." Brittany wrinkled her nose. "Wouldn't that kind of dress make someone look nerdy?" Actually, the god, who had revealed his identity as Ethan, was a nerd himself. In fact, he coded part of the iOS 5 email app. He kept it to himself as he replied, "I totally agree. A skirt that goes to the knee? Uber nerdy." Ugh, he thought. I solemnly swear that I will never talk this way again. "Yeah, see! I told Natalia, but nooooooo, she's all, I'm not a slut like you! Am I a slut?" Yes, Ethan spoke under his breath before brightly brushing off Natalia's remark. Poor Natalia, he mused. She sounds quite nice. Ethan suddenly caught Brittany leaning into him. "Mmmm," she giggled. "You smell like cupcakes!" She's drunk. That was the first thing that came to mind. He shot a glance at Megan, who blinked innocently. Aw, crap... Ethan flicked a gaze in either direction, and ran off, leaving the girl clawing at his vest screaming, "NO! CUPCAKE MAN! DON'T LEAVE ME! PLEASE!" He made it four steps away from the door before she clawed him down. "STAY, MUSTACHE MAN!" She growled and knocked him over. She tried, at least. She ended up shoving into him uselessly and pulling a button out of his suit. "Mustache man, why! Whyyyy?" She sobbed into his jacket. Ethan glared at Megan. She looked up at him, still wearing an air of innocence as she slowly stirred a cup of coffee. He could detect amusement in her eyes. Damn it, he thought, dragging Brittany across the floor while trying to pull her off. How did I not notice she was drunk? Maybe because sober her is stupid and flirtatious too, his thoughts chimed before he could stop them. "Why do you smell like cupcakes, mustache man?" Brittany giggled uncontrollably again. Slowly, Ethan composed an answer. "... Candles?" "Ooh, candles!" Brittany briefly removed her paw from his jacket to clap giddily, but clamped back on as she realized he was backing away. "I like candles!" She then proceeded to vomit all over the floor (Megan shouted something unintelligible about "her precious, expensive tile) and to pass out in a puddle of what used to be icing. Ethan slowly edged around the pile of vomit and left. "Megan? I have some coding to do, but can you, uh, clean?" It was Megan's turn to glare. Ethan waved cheekily and disappeared out the door.