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Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by *x4FreeKilljoy4x (01), Sep 18, 2012.

  1. Really need ideas :/ I know this Is only a paragraph but I'm not to sure what will happen.
    *********************************************
    (flashback continued)
    The field whizzed past my sparkling eyes quickly turning to blackness.But red was the only colour I could take in. Swirls of dark red took over the mysterious minxes eyes. My eyes then traced her graceful movements.She was spinning around rapidly.There was no escape and so when she disappeared..I disappeared too.
     
  2. Could I get some ideas or constructive criticism please? 
     
  3. Hm… use a thesaurus, because there's some small words that can be improved.
     
  4. And for the ideas… I dunno.
     
  5. I groaned, my head felt like a hundred elephants were dancing on it. Then I remembered what had happened and sat bolt upright and forced open my sore eyes.

    I looked around cautiously.I seemed to be in a room about the size of a classroom but it was completely bare, except ridiculous raspberry pink walls and floor.The room itself was enough to make me go mad.

    There was a tiny, out of place boarded up window and a rusty metal door coated in chains. I pinched my self wide eyed but froze as the chains rattled upon the worn out door. Someone was coming in... I jumped in shock and scrambled as quick as I could to a narrow corner, adrenaline pumping around my body fearlessly.Someone was coming in...Someone I thought couldn't be capable of such things...

    That's when my blood shot eyed, worn out Dad entered.
     
  6. AMAZING!!! I love the details!!
     
  7. Bump and thanks
     
  8. This is an AMAZING story, and the fact you came up with it randomly...
     
  9. "D-dad" I choked out, fear illuminating my voice as I stared at the unrecognisable figure towering above me.Surely this couldn't be the man that told me he loved me each night.The man that held my hand as my mother left.

    I thought I'd see warmth or at least pity in his eyes.I was wrong.When I finally brought myself to look at the once kind peaceful eyes I saw hatred, identical to the mystery enchantress's.

    I recoiled in horror as he turned to glare at me and said through a slightly robotic voice.
    "Chief wants to speak to you.She'll arrive soon" He said with no trace of emotion, before turning on his heel and walking out.Locking the door tighter this time.

    After a few moments the shock wore off and I curled up into a ball, Sobs ripping out.How could he...How could he do such a thing.I yelled in confusion and rocked back and too, my pain echoing and bouncing of the demented walls.Soon forgetting about my meeting with the mystery woman...
     
  10. Wow this good for just a random title lol
     
  11. Thanks, I'll update after school tomorrow probably.Or maybe a small update before.
     
  12. ͟ ͟ ͟ ͟ ͟ ͟ ͟ ͟ ͟ ͟ ͟ ͟ ͟ ͟ 
    Amazinggg
     
  13. Thanks  I'll try and update after homework
     
  14. I felt a hand tap repeatedly on my shoulder and eventually dawned back to reality.I let out a small mouse like gasp.With my heart racing, I looked up expecting to see the mysterious enchantress.I was wrong.Very wrong.

    "Hello there" Exclaimed a cheery,quiet,boy-like voice.

    I looked up surprised to see a tall unfamiliar boy around my age.He had floppy black hair and piercing forest green eyes.The black haired boy was wearing a tattered leather jacket and ripped skinny jeans followed by tight fitted black boots.

    I frown spread across my full pink lips and I choked out.
    "Wh-Who are you?"

    "Jason" He whispered,wide eyed. "I know what's going on, I don't have time to explain though...we have to go!" He said in an urgent rushed voice.

    I thought for a moment.I was in a weird unknown place and my father had betrayed me.I sighed wearily and thought I guess I have nothing to lose... I looked back at the boy my curiosity growing.Who was he? Why was he helping me? I finally came upon a decision and nodded.

    To my protest he grabbed my hand and pulled me onwards. My eyes widened as I saw what he was leading me to. There was a huge hole in the disgusting pink walls that he must have arrived through.

    "What the.." I exclaimed,forgetting to be quiet. Luckily Jason's hand clamped against my protesting mouth. With my heart racing and adrenaline pumping I followed him quickly into the hole and nearly exclaimed again seeing a long passageway.

    "Stand here" He whispered pointing to a dark area far back from the hole leading back to the nightmare room.I nodded reluctantly and walked over.Lucky I did...As soon as I made it there Jason pulled down a hidden leaver and the wall returned to it's usually bright pink, however bright sparks came out.We were trapped in the never ending tunnel.

    Jason started walking ahead quickly and shouted behind,
    "Come on!"

    "Okay..." I replied sighing and walked faster to try and catch up with him. No going back now...

    ~~~~
    I'm so sorry! I has really bad writers block! I'll try and update more now.
     
  15. Love it 