I wake up in the morning from the light slightly cutting through the disoriented curtain. I push the half destroyed blanket off of my self slightly shivering from the cold piercing air that was caused after the war. It's bin 5 years since the first nukes hit this half destroyed pile of ash we call the united states of america. As I get out of bed I hear a loud pat sound coming from outside the building pat pat pat I hear it three more times. I walk to the half blown out window and look down seeing a bandit shooting another innocent survivor. I hate it in my heart every day when I see these people that give me shelter some food that they can spare to me and even some warmer clothes for the approaching winter are killed because of these bandits who only care for themselves. Even though they work together they would rather shoot each other our stab each other but they now they can only survive if they have numbers. As I see the last survivor killed off by the bandits I notice them heading for the apartment complex that I have bin staying at. The ideas start going through my head have they finally found me our are they just going to loot this place. Well anyway I know I have to get out of here I put on my backpack holding some supplies and my katana that my grandfather gave to me while I am holstering my revolver that my father gave to me before he died I hear them starting to come up the stairs and their coming up fast they are defiantly not looting there looking for me and as I turn to leave the room I see a shot fly past my ear they cornered me. They come in staring me down and say we finally got you know we are going to kill you for killing our boss. I stand their in fear knowing there is nowhere else to go I then look to the window and as soon as you could say stupid idea I jumped out the window.
This is my first rp story so please if you could give me any tips for the second part that would be great thanks
This isn't a rp story. It's just a story. PLEASE spell correctly. And use proper grammar. And details! Lots of detail. I don't even know the gender of the main character. I know it's your first story, so please take this as some friendly constructive critism. I'm not trying to be harsh.
Listen to what she said. Use quotation marks when people are speaking. Also, replace the smaller, weaker words with bigger, more descriptive ones. Use a thesaurus!! Describe exactly how the main character is feeling. For example, instead of "I was scared", say "My head started throbbing, and my palms began to gush rivers of sweat. I tried to swallow, but to no avail. My knees began to wobble and I swayed, clutching the wooden table for balance." Make us be able to be in the moment! But I think this is great for someone's FIRST story
Yea just like they both said, use a LOT of detail. You also needed some quotation marks and other punctuation. But other than that I like it
Wow October 1st. I would say that's a long wait but I can't since I once took about a month to update (/.-)