My first story!!! it's probably gonna be pretty short 4-7 posts. It has a Steampunk setting if u don't know what that is look it up. I ran faster, trying to get to Jackson's before it was to late. The blueprints, the shadow corp were all starting to fit together. If I could reach his house in time, I might be able to stop. I checked the clock in the tower just north of Copper Sqaure 6:58. 2 minutes, but my destination wasn't to far. Trying not to slip on the slick cobbled road, in ran faster. Finally his apartment came into view. Almost there, but the minute hand on my watch was millimeters from 7. 5 yards.....4.....3 BOOM!!!! I was to late the blast rattled the ground, made my ears ring and light up the sky in fire. I was to late...... Tell me if I should make more!!! Opinions would be great!!! Thx
If you could describe the surroundings more and give it a more suspenseful feel to the story, it would be perfect. There's a few spelling mistakes, and that seems to be it. You should refrain from putting too much exclamation marks. It would also seem interesting if you described the character a bit more, like writing about their emotions and what they're feeling. I've got to say, this is a pretty decent start for someone who has only begun writing their first story. Good job, bro.
Ok guys thx for suggestions and the spelling errors were probably because I only had 4 hours sleep Working on a second part now
NEW UPDATE!!!! ENJOY PLZ COMMENT! There was utter silence for about 5 solid seconds. Then the first scream. Suddenly the quiet, peaceful streets of New Broderick are chaos. People running from the explosion. P.Bs rolling towards it. One good thing about robotics cops are that they are utterly fearless. But if I had been correct, and the explosion proves I had been... Jackson opens his door and spots me , "Harry? Harry what happened? I try to talk but I can't. Mentally, and physically exhausted I point to a nearby emergency vehicle, loaded with frightened citizens. I stagger aboard, Jackson at my heels. I barely have time to fall into a seat before I pass out. I finally wake up in a hospital, a doctor staring down at me, his beak reaching towards me. (Picture rennasonce doctors). "Your awake! You had a nasty time with that explosion. Should've expected a gas leak eventually. Most of the wounds are superficial though, you should be fine soon enough." Gas leak? I had got most of my injuries from sprinting through the factory, trying to get to Jackson. Trying to stop Shadow Corp. They were building up right now, the plan they had executed so perfectly falling into place. Except for me. They had forgotten me.....
New post! This is to give some filler on the story so sorry, no action this time. It's pretty long though PLZ comment! Jackson and I had just finished Dining at a small cafe in Auburn, the town where I had been transported. It was hard to ignore the tense, anxious feeling floating in the air. Auburn had factory of its own, and was barely an hour from New Broderick. I couldn't help sharing the feeling, but for slightly different reasons. Sitting at one of the outside tables around the cafe we discussed the recent events. After much talk we found that the terrorists of Shadow Corp. Had taken Blueprints for a new type of explosive. Still in a prototype form, these bombs were the size of a duffle bag, but could cause extreme damage. Also, the only way to cause them to explode would be to press a remote detonator. So unless you threw a stick of dynamite at the stuff, it was completely inert. Jackson and I were the only survivors who knew about the bombs. My current thought was that they wished to mass produce them, plant them in important government and private buildings, then cause them all to explode at once. Jackson, however, couldn't disagree more. "Oh of course," He said with sarcasm, "They definitely want to mass produce the bomb, which is why they're blowing up all the factories!" He had a point. Unless they had a factory of their own. "What about the sightings in Gerald's pass? Maybe they have a base?" I knew a hearty amount of information about Shadow Corp. They had been trying to destroy or take technology from Grod inc. for years. And since I worked for Grod Inc. We were commonly updated on the Corp.'s actions. " That's possible I suppose." With their own factory destroying ours would only help their cause. "Well," I said, putting on my jacket. "We'll just have to find out."