Light that grows within eternal darkness Chapter 1 Prisoner The twelve year old boy known as Tiger, slowly began to stand and as he did his strong and compact muscles tensed. His short black hair moved through the air as every cell in his body admitted a deadly and almost demonic aura. His emotionless black eyes scanned the nothingness that surrounded him. He turned to his right, then to his left, but all he could see was darkness. I’m dreaming again. He thought to himself in relief. The boy had long ago lost count of the countless times he had had this dream of nothingness. A dream that once long ago disturbed him had now become comforting to him. The dark nothingness of the dream had become comforting to him to such a degree, that before he knew it. He found himself craving the emptiness of this dream. This one dream had become he’s only refuge from the things that haunted him, it had become the only place where he could forget his troubles, his burdens, his brothers but most of all, the fragments of his horrific memories. He slowly closed his eyes as he paused for a moment and listened to the silence, a beautiful silence, no screaming, no crying, no begging, just pure and meaningless silence. His eyes slowly opened but this time they were flooded by emotions. Many emotions passed over him, but only one remained and that was his misery. His handsome yet roguish face was warped in anguish as hot water gathered at his eyes. The boy looked down at the nothingness he stood upon and looked at his own reflection. “How long till I’m crushed by this weight, this crushing burden” he said out loud to his own reflection, as pain and heat sudden spread threw out and attacked his entire body. He shook fiercely as he felt his heart twist and break, smacking his right hand over his chest in pain. “I’m... pathetic” he said as a silent and pain filled tear slowly slide down his cheek all the way down to he’s jaw, until it finally dropped and vanished into the darkness that existed under his feet. The darkness began to ripple as if it were water that had been disturbed by his tear. The boy froze as the darkness once again stayed still under him, but this time revelling something he had never seen before. Replacing his reflection was a dark and almost demonic shadow that now looked up at him. The boy’s heart began to race as an evilly twisted smile began to spread over the shadows face. The boy shivered in his tracks as he looked upon its maddening grin. “Who are you?” he asked just before a horrific feeling invaded his heart. Suddenly words began to materialise over the shadow, he watched as they materialise word after word until finely it was done. “I am the real you” those were the words the young boy had read out loud to himself, right before the shadows smile grew larger and even more maddening. In an instant, the shadows arm reached out from the darkness and enveloped his entire right leg, right before pulling him into the cold and ever consuming void of darkness that once only surrounded him, but now consumed him. This is only the first page of the first chapter. I'm reposting this because I made the other post to long to quick. So from now on I'll just put a page up for every five or so comments I get.
I like the detail. You should put punctuation after the dialogue, and double space the paragraphs so it's easier to read. And you shouldn't say "I'll update if I get ___ comments". That's writing for attention, and a good writer would keep writing even if no one reads it. :/
Lol that's not what I meant I'm already writing anyway Got like a million times more then this done I just said if I get comments because I thought if I post to much people will look at it and say "Holy shit! I'm not reading that" lol But I'm glad you liked it anyway The original was double spaced I wonder why that changed when I copied it on to here... Well anyway if you like the story I can give you a link to my deviant art account I already got 3 whole chapters up on there
Right almost forgot On there it's not called prisoner But called "Light That Grows Within Eternal Darkness"
Ooooooo I think it's because there's an age restriction on it and it does not know how old you are lol Ummmm well of you make an account you can read it Account free Or I can just post some more on here
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Mine are all traditional, so I don't get much views on my acc. I might take up writing instead.
Here's the rest of the first chapter, about 4 pages long do it won't take to long to read. A good short chapter. The boy woke up in a cold sweat and took a slow and deep breath, his mind slowly calmed as he realised he was awake. But his heart quickly sank into despair as the thought hit him; he was once again awake and forced to face reality. “You’re finally awake Tiger”, he instantly recognised the voice and slowly sat upo as he looked towards his brother. “How long was I out Keeper?” he asked as he saw the worry in his brothers light green eyes. He slowly watched as his dark black, long hair brushed against his shoulders as he began to stand up to his full height of five feet and two inches. He wore old greyish rags that had been stitched together with the number and letters 30,872-pt on the right side of his shirt right above he’s heart, as did all those in this hell whole. Tiger looked into his brothers handsome and worried face and was once again reminded that Keeper really was one of the better looking ones out of him and his brothers. Tiger quickly put on a fake aura of calmness as he smiled humorously towards his brother, “How long was I out?” he asked as he slowly sat up and looked around the large orange tent they were in. Keeper slowly smiled as he felt relieved from the fact that Tiger seemed to be in good health. “You’ve been out for about half a day or so Tiger... it seemed like you were having quite the nightmare sir.” Tiger was once again reminded of he’s predicament as he looked into he’s brothers eyes and saw it once more. With just one glace he could see it, how much Keeper relied on him, how much he worshipped him. He always hated those eyes, those eyes that haunted him, that forced him to live, that forced him to act strong. In the end it was those eyes that were destroying him, those eyes that he despised. “Can you blame me for having a nightmare in this place brother?” He said as he almost cringed from the pain in his gut. Tiger didn’t know why but as of late there was a sharp and disturbing pain in he’s gut that continued to grow stronger as the days went by, he simple prayed that it wasn’t an omen. As Tiger looked at his brothers smiling face he couldn’t help but wonder about his dream. For the first time in his life, his dream, his sanctuary showed him something other than just darkness. Why did the dream suddenly change? What does it mean? What was that thing? He thought to himself as he slowly sighed. Knowing he didn’t have time to think of such things he chose to push it all back to the back of he’s mind. In the end he had a job to do and weather he liked it or not he was the only one that could do it. “Shall I give you the usual report, sir?” Keeper asked as he walked towards Tiger and handed him two pills. “That won’t be necessary; I need to check upon everyone anyway. They can give me there reports themselves” he said as he grabbed the two food pills that were given to them by the demons in order to keep them neutrishes enough to survive. Tiger quickly swallowed the pills that kept his stomach empty but also kept him from feeling hunger. As the pills went down his throat he couldn’t help but feel the desire for real food. God what I’d do for an apple right now he thought as he felt his mouth water. “As you wish sir. Then I best be on my way.” Keeper said as he began to walk towards the end of the large orange tent. “Wait” Tiger said as he watched Keeper turn back around towards him. Once again Tiger plastid on a perfectly fake smile of humour and joy, “Good work. I couldn’t keep this place running if it wasn’t for you” Keeper couldn’t help but smile with joy; he always felt such happiness when the person he admired most in the world complemented him. As keeper smiled like a fool and looked at Tiger. He couldn’t help but be reminded why he was there leader, why he was there light. In the end he was the only one who could truly make them smile and laugh in this hellish god forsaken place. “Not at all Tiger... we couldn’t have done anything if you weren’t here. In the end you’re the one that keeps us going.” Keeper said innocently towards Tiger not knowing that those words always haunted him more than anything else in there prison. Tiger laughed with humour that he didn’t feel. Every word of praise Keeper said towards him felt like another knife being plunged into his broken and shattered heart. A heart which he cursed the gods for giving him. If only he didn’t care, if only he didn’t feel. But he did, and because of that he would always help them. Whether it was killing him from the inside or not. Once again Tiger pushed all thoughts to the back of his mind, he didn’t have time to pity himself, nor did he have time to rest from his daily tortures. “What of the “Fallen”?” he asked carefully as he watched Keeper. “I was just going to check on them myself. But I thought it would have been best to check your condition first.” Keeper said as Tiger playfully sighed and shook his head side to side. “Well there’s no need for you to worry about it anymore, I’ll go check on them myself. After all it’s best I start to get back to work... make sure everything keeps running smoothly, ok?” he said in a friendly and playful tone as he continued to smile. “Of course sir” Keeper said right before leaving Tiger alone in he’s tent. The very moment Keeper left the tent, Tiger almost screamed as he held onto he’s gut. The pain was becoming more and more unbearable, he felt like he was going to lose he’s mind. This is defiantly going to be a bad day. He sarcastically thought to himself as he suddenly had a strange sensation to laugh at the pain he felt growing in his gut. “I don’t have time for this” he said in a horsed and pain filled voice. He had to be strong; he couldn’t afford to show weakness, he didn’t have time to have a mental break down. “Just... a little longer. Just need to hold on a little longer” he said in an attempt to console himself. Tiger slowly breathed a deep breath and let it out as he regrouped himself. Once his mind felt clearer and the pain in his gut partially resided, he slowly stood up and once again, just as he did day in and day out. He plastered a fake joyful and cocky smile on his face right before leaving his tent, and just as he always did, he wondered if he was leaving for the very last time. End of chapter 1 Hope everyone like that Please feel free to tell me anything you don't like. Also I would like to apologies for the lack of description, especially when it comes to the characters. It's just I'm focusing more on getting the novel done, then how good it is. I figure as long as I can get it done, thell be time to re-write it and make it good.
Chapter two As Tiger stepped out of the dark tent, his eyes were immediately assaulted by the giant diamond like light that was in the very center of the ceiling of the ridiculously large room. He’s eyes quickly adjusted as he looked around the large room in front of him and just like always, there were hundreds of twelve and thirteen year old boys rushing around, living there so cold “Daily” lives. But every last one of them new the truth. This wasn’t living, every last one of them was just trying to buy themselves time. Not that he could blame them. Just like always only a few of them dared to walk near his tent, to afraid that they would mistakenly show him disrespect if they were to crowed his home. Tiger slowly sighed and continued to smile happily as he looked at what laid before him. In the very center of the room was a place they called the “Repair Center” it was a place he planned to visit latter and was personally very proud of. It was very rare to find items from the old world in this dungeon, which is why it was very important to keep any and all items from the old world in one piece. It was a place which locked up, distributed and repaired all items that belonged to their room. But it wasn’t the recover corner he was focusing on; it was what lay beyond the recover corner that was located in the centre of the room. He was looking towards “The Gate” that was on the other side of the room which his tent faced. Past the large group of prisoners, was that cursive thing he hated setting he’s eyes upon, every morning and night. That large double door stretched all the way to the large and unreachable ceiling, creating a shadow that loomed over them as if to remind them that there was no escape. It was the only way in and out of there room, at least as far as the demons knew. “The Gate” was made up of an unknown black metallic materiel that was imposable to break through. But what disgusted him wasn’t the gate itself but the bottom of it. He couldn’t see it from where he was standing, but he had seen it to many times to forget the sight. The bottom of the gate had a rich reddish blackish colour, and the ground around it was stained with dry blood. He personally had long ago lost count of the many that had lost their minds and attempted to literally claw their way out. The first time he had seen it he had almost puked his guts out. But there weren’t many that tried to claw their way out anymore, at least not since he had taken charge. Even Tiger wasn’t quite sure how he managed to pull off that miracle, but somehow, even though it was just barely. He was managing to keep everyone under him sane and in check, almost everyone anyway. Tiger slowly sighed as he suddenly felt a sharp pain attack he’s temple. Ignoring it he turned to his left and now faced the left lower part of their prison. Even from where he was standing he could see the place that they often referred to as the “Learning Corner” which was just one of the six important areas within their room that he and he’s brothers had established. Tiger began to walk towards the Learning Area, confident that he’s brother “Strong One” would be there, sparing and teaching he’s own unique art of combat. As Tiger walked through the busy but distant masses, he felt his heart once again twist in agony. Not because he saw their pain, not because he could sympathies with them, not even because he saw how they feared getting to close to him, but because of what he saw in their eyes. All of them took small glimpse at him and every time he saw the exact same thing. Hope. He saw the hope that glowed within their eyes every time they looked upon him and his friendly smile. Tiger new that they all had hope because of him, and he hated it. He knew and hated the fact that he really was there last shred of hope. He hated the fact that they all relied on him so blindly when it would simply be so much easier and better to forsaken hope all together. But he continued his charade, never once taking his expression of calm and serenity off his face, no matter how much pain he felt. But the thing that hurt Tiger more than anything was the fear that this charade was all he could do for them, and in the end he doubted he could do it for much longer. The hairs on Tigers neck suddenly stood up straight as he felt the presence of someone sneaking up on him. *Sigh* He’s trying to sneak up on me again. He thought to himself as he began to speak towards the man approaching him from behind. “I hope you’re not trying to sneak up on me again, Fast One.” He said in a humoured tone as he turned around to face his brother. Knowing that any moment could be his last, Tiger took in his brothers fetchers, wanting to always remember his brothers smile. He took it all in; he took in his bright white teeth and his childish smile. He took in his long blond hair that rushed through the air as he came to a sudden holt. He looked deep into his deep brown eyes that were always filled with wonder and determination. His brother Fast One was very important to him and his planes. Not only did he act as Tigers Messenger and Courier, but he also acted as his spy and trader. Even with his small, thin and fragile body, he could always rely on him to complete his mission, no matter what. “One day you have to tell me how you do that” he said as he laughed, “Hahahahaha”. After a few moments of laughing, Fast One looked towards Tiger with a warm and caring expression that reminded Tiger just how much Fast One worried for him. “I’m glad to see you up and about again, boss.” Tiger sighed softly, “There’s nothing in heaven, hell or earth. That could keep me away from you idiots” he said jokingly as he putted his right hand on Fast Ones thin yet strong shoulder. Then Tigers smile quickly disappeared and was replaced by a series expression that was all business. “What troubles you my brother?” he asked while fearing the answer, after all, Fast One was the most laid back brother he had. For him to be so worried and concerned disturbed Tiger in a way he couldn’t think possible. Fast Ones smile was quickly wiped off his face and replaced with a series expression similar to Tigers own. “There really isn’t anything I can hide from you, is there” he said softly as he closed his eyes and sighed before looking deep into Tigers eyes. “As you know, the balance of power and are relationship between are allies, seems to be holding quite well... but” Fast One paused as he began to think about exactly how he should explain the current situation to his brother, his Lord. “But?” Tiger said impatiently as he watched his brother intensely. Praying that it wouldn’t be anything that could possibly ruin his master plan. “It seems the “Five Powers” have begun to make their move. They seem to be starting with “Neutral Rooms”. Of course that’s just too gain more power; power that there most likely gathering to finish the rest of us off... to make things worse. At times like these we aren’t even quite sure which allies we can actually trust.” Fast One said as he watched Tiger suddenly hiss in pain. Tiger couldn’t help but hiss at the headache this sudden bit of information had caused. He closed his eyes as he slowly message his temple, the information that he just received, was like a metal baseball bat being smashed against his temples again and again. The five powers... SHIT! How the fuck am I meant to deal with this? He thought to himself as he took a moment to think about his current options. But he couldn’t focus, he needed to see his brother, Thinker. The only thing that comforted Tiger was the fact that he knew the “Five Powers” couldn’t act recklessly, after all, the demons would notice such a large conflicted. He slowly took in a deep breath and let it back out, as he opened his eyes and looked towards his brother, Fast One. He saw something that stabbed a knife deep into what littlie remand of his already shredded heart. As he looked into Fast Ones deep brown eyes, he could see it, hope. He saw the hope and confidence Fast One had in his eyes towards him and that ate at him more than anything. He’s brother had such faith and confidence in him, they all did. In the end it would only make his inevitable down fall even more painful. As he looked at his brother’s hopeful face that clearly expected Tiger to pull out some type of miracle from thin air. He once again plastered his fake gentle smile, while bearing with the pain of his throbbing heart and sucking back the water that threatened to gather at his eyes. “Don’t worry brother. There’s nothing that can stop us now that were so close to our freedom. Now, go get Helper and prepare the necessary measures. Not that we will need them anyway. Hahahaha...” He said with confidence which he did not feel and doubted he ever truly would. Fast One sighed with relief and looked at his brother with utter trust and devotion as he spoke. “It always amazes me how you always know how and what to do. Anyway I’ll get back to work then boss” he said right before running off and disappearing into the crowed. But just like always, Tigers heart broke as he heard another one of he’s brothers praise him. Tiger’s hand’s automatically went straight to his stomach as he once again felt it throb in pain. He knew this was only the calm before the storm, he knew there was nothing he could do to preventing the storm. He just wished he knew what the storm would bring. Tiger once again turned towards the back left corner of the room and began to head towards the Learning Area where he was confident his brother Strong One would be. Just like all of them, his brother Strong One also had an important role that he played. Strong Ones role was that of an enforcer and guardian. It was he’s duty to enforce the rules of their room while also watching over the weak and new comers, who were often easy prey for the more, violent prisoners. He trained guards and acted as there commander and was also in charge of protecting the room from any threats that could come from any other room within the strong hold. Not to mention his energetic attitude always helped to keep up morale. It took a few minutes for Tiger to finely reach the Learning Area and just as he thought. Strong One was training his new recruits. Tiger watched as Strong Ones hair flew through the air as he shouted insults towards the huffing and buffing recruits, that were laying on the ground, completely and utterly exhausted. Strong Ones deep brown eyes glowed with amusement and energy. Tiger sighed and began to walk towards Strong Ones and at that moment Strong One finely noticed him. A big smile spread across his handsome face as he began to laugh. “HAHAHAHAHAHA! Be glad that the bosses presents saved you, you pathetic maggots.” He said playfully as he began to walk towards Tiger and as he did his bulging muscles flexed with power and dripped with sweat from his long day of training. “Working them Hard again, are we?” he said towards his brother with amusement as he noticed that Strong One seemed happier than usual. “HAHAHAHA! I’m just glad to see your back up on your feet; I thought you may have finely kicked the bucket.” Strong One said jokingly as he looked at his brother with happy amusement. Tiger sighed at his carefree brother as he smiled a fake cocky and mocking smile. “Who would be crazy enough to leave this place in your hands?” he said jokingly towards Strong One. Strong One playfully shook his head side to side as he continued to smile with amusement. “Yee of little faith. Clearly you do not know greatness even when it’s staring you right in the face. Now how can I help you?” Tiger sighed as he wondered what had gotten into his brother, Strong One was acting more joyful than usual. Suddenly a thought hit him. “Has Fast One already spoken to you?” he asked as he watched his brother with caution. “Damn straight he has! And my bloods boiling with excitement, I’ve already got all the guards prepared and at their stations, and all the traps are set and ready to blow. All that’s left is to kill some of those damn Five Power brats.” Tiger was once again reminded about just how fast, Fast One had become. He needed to stop underestimating him. But Tiger was at least a bit pleased over the fact that at least one of his brothers was gaining some type of enjoyment out of this. Of course he on the other hand, did not. Tiger playfully sighed as he spoke jokingly towards his brother. “Alright, I’ll let you get back to work you lazy warmonger” and with that Tiger turned around preparing to leave. “HAHAHAHAHA! There’s no such thing. By the way, Thinkers teaching his class if you want to quickly drop in.” Strong One said to Tiger right before he walked off towards his new recruits. Tiger stopped in his tracks and his heart literally skipped a beat as he thought of his brother Thinker. Truly the only thing he had left keeping him sane in this hell. Tiger was planning to talk to him later once he had taken care of his daily duties, but the situation was getting complicated, he needed to talk to his brother as soon as possible. Tiger turned back around and headed into the small building made out of rubble and junk, he walked straight towards Thinkers class room and felt his heart beat with relief, with the thought of seeing he’s brother again. Tiger stopped right outside his brothers class room and slowly put his hand against the door, and as he slowly pushed it open he felt his heart beat fiercely. Brother... can you help me? End of chapter two