Chapter 1 The first thing I noticed about Ravendale high was the car park. Ok it might be because I haven't actually seen anything in Ravendale height but the car park was massive. I felt very out of place parking my battered Honda civic where all I could see was porches and ferarri's. Suddenly there was a huge gush of wind and next to me a car (another porche) pulled up next to me and and out stepped the Barbie and Ken of Ravendale. They strutted out of the car and as they passed me, the girl's ice blue eyes scanned me up and down but then she just flicked her platinum blonde hair and sashayed to school. The boy looked at me and gave me a lazy grin that would probably make all the girls in the world met then he ran to catch up to his girlfriend who had met up with her friends all beautiful but she was clearly the boss. In fact when I walked through the doors of Ravendale all I could see was glamour. I looked at my timetable and saw I had English with Mr Fitzgerald. "Well here goes nothing" I muttered to myself as I opened the door
Remember to put paragraphs and double space the paragraphs. You need punctuation, and there are some run on sentences. Use LOTS of detail. You need to really describe how the main character is feeling about everything. Don't just say it's glamorous, describe everything and show that it's glamorous. Otherwise, I think you should keep writing. I'm not sure what the plot is going to be yet, so… update!
Tnx for all the comments I'll take it all on board when I update. The next chapter will have more to do with the plot