Hey! This is my first, I don't know if I'm good. I just was curious. Chapter 2 will be up soon, I haven't started on it because it's late and I'm tired. She loves him and not me. Chapter1 Tori sat in her chair in class as she always did, she was a pretty girl I love alot. I loved her not for her blonde hair or blue eyes or cute lips. I loved the real her on the inside, she was really a shy nerdy girl who was good at chess. We've been real close friends since 3rd grade, by highschool she had a make over from her glasses, pigtails, and sweaters to what a guy would call "a smoking hot babe". As she gain more popularity she never forgot about me, we still hungout. We were never in a romanatic relationship but we shared a first kiss in 7th grade. I guess she forgot but I'll always remember. She's into Dylan the guy most of the girls in my school likes. Dylan is a heart throbb, he gels his hair, wears mainly black, has black hair, is tanned, and has a pierced ear and muscley arms. While me I have dark brown hair, thick glasses, not all muscley, and olive skin. I guess I'd look nice if I didn't have these glasses and fixed my hair but I hear contacts are a pain and I'm scared of laser eye surgery. There was a tap on my shoulder from Tori. "Troy, are you ok? You've been making that face for a while now." I said back "I've had alot on my mind." "Yeah me to." she replied. "I think Dylan like me, Troy," "He asked me out." Her saying that just makes me jealous, there's something up with him.
Paragraph spacing. Double space. Don't just say "blonde hair" say something like "her hair was the color of honey." Describe! Describe Everything! You did a fairly good job for your first one, congrats! BUMP!
I promise by 3 things will get interesting. But I'll be working on it after 6 p.m. EST and probably will be up around 11 p.m. Chapter 2 After the school bell rang it was time to leave school. There were alot of my fellow students packed at the door trying to escape as they always did. I'd say this was like squeezing a very obese person in the trunk of a car. Tori and I met up at her place after school. We had a brief debate over tax payers money and where it goes. She brought up that the tax on prison should be lowered because she thinks people in prison have better luxuries in prison than prisoners decades ago. I don't really agree with her but her intelligence is impressive, I don't know many girls who have a picture of Frederick Douglas on their wall. If you've met Tori you'd know that a dumb blonde is a stereotype, she's not even that clumsy, I guess she's as graceful as a Monarch butterfly. "Troy, what should I where on my date?" Tori asked while pulling out a violet halter dress. "No, you should where sweatpants, your hair in a ponytail, and no makeup on. A real guy would love you no matter what you wore." I said. "I guess I'm wearing this" She said while pointing to a pair of short shorts and tube top, ignoring my answer. "Tori, please don't try to impress him. Show him the real you." I said as I left her room.
hey! Just wanna say I'm thankful for the bumps. I started on 4 but my iPod is about to die, so I'm gonna let it charge for a bit than finish 4 and post It Chapter 3 I woke up at 1:23 a.m. to a text message from Tori saying "OMG!!!! ME AND DYLAN ARE DATING, HE SAID HE WANTS TO SEE MORE OF ME" Speechless the only thing I could text back was "Cap-Lock?" " omg you're so annoying."she texted back. "says the girl how texted me at 1in the morning, I'm tired." I texted. "Hi Tired! My name is Tori nice to meet you ^_^ " she texted. "very funny, goodnight" I texted. Seriously I'm a littled worried about her now, what just happened was just completely alien. I awoken from from my slumber with an idea I never wanted to try until now. I started snipping my dark curls and borrowed my mothers hair straightener. The next step was taking my glasses off, without my spectacles I'm blind like Helen Keller. When I was done I looked in the mirror and saw a transformation. Maybe I could get contacts or laser eye surgery after all . I hope everyone in school likes my metamorphosis.
A guy. I think. Since the main characters name in Troy that's what I'm assuming. Anyways. It's pretty good but try to be alittle more description with his feelings. I'm jealous doesn't cut it.
I also refer you to "Tips for Fan Fictioners" there's a lot of good advice there especially for new writers. Try to slow down and plain out what you are going to write.
Ok, just wanna say I love the tips and I feel like I delayed y'all with 4. I was working on it last night but fell asleep I was up this morning working on it but I got distracted because I was watching south park on netflix, I have no life. Chapter 4 On my arrival to school I caught the eye of some ladies. I guess I look very fetching. For my first class my teacher, Miss Newman mistaken for a new kid she wasn't aware of. I feel like I'm out of my element, all this attention on me, I feel like I'm naked in public. I met up with Tori at lunch. I could tell she was tired by the way she held her head, it was lowered with her sapphire eyes half opened. "You ok?" I asked. "I'm fine, just a little hungover." These were the words she said. "You've been drinking?" I asked. "Please don't tell my parents!" she begged. "I was sucked into peer-pressure, and I just wanted to fi-" "It's ok." I interrupted. "Just promise me you'll never do it again, I care about your well-being alot." I said. "I promise, you're like the brother I never had Troy." God, not only have I've been friend zoned but I'm like a brother figure. "Did your hair get straighter?" she asked. "Yeah, I wanted to try a new look." I told her while taking off my glasses. "Wow! You look like a competely new guy." she said while amazed. "Well... I still feel like the nerd I really am. How did you put up with this?" I asked. "Well... I don't know, sorry I can't help." she answered. While off in a conversation about South Park Dylan came by. "Hey Sexy! What's a girl like you doing in a place like this, with a chump like him?" Dylan spoke with a douchebag accent. "DYLAN!" Tori blurted as she jumped and gave Sir Dóuché a kiss. Surprisingly this idiot tried sticking his tongue down her thoat. Sitting here watching them just reminded me of a dog and peanut butter. She had to push him off of her to get him to stop. "Seriously? That's gross!" she said in disgust. "I'll catch you later Troy." she said while walking off. I turned to Dylan. "Look dude, I don't think she's right for you." I suggested. "Oh yeah? I can have any one I want and I want her." Dylan said. "You want her, not need her. She's not for you." I said. "Look guy, I don't know who you are but no one tells me what to do!" he growled. "You're an idiot. I'm Troy Dawson, I we're in the same english class." I said when being a little annoyed. He had this look on his face like he really didn't believe me. "So your telling me. Your that nerdy guy." he said in his douche accent, then he laughed. "You look.... Too cute to be a nerd." he said in a low voice. He had a creepy smile on his face. " 'Cuse me?" I questioned. "You tell anyone about this and I'll kill you!" He growled. "Number 1. You won't kill me and 2. I won't tell anyone because you're a gross bisexual and I don't want anyone knowing you talked to me, period." I said. I stuck out my hand to shake on it but he just slapped it and walked away.