This is my first fan fiction! Hops you all enjoy it Characters: Lily's POV: My name is Lily Cooper. I'm just an average 17 year old girl, but lots of cocky guys call me "the total package", even though they know that I hate that. I have long blonde hair, big blue eyes, tan skin, and a belly button piercing. I have to small tattoos; one of a cross and one of the infinity symbol. Tomorrow morning, I'm going on a plane ride to Hawaii, and I'm so excited! -school bell rings, letting everyone know that school is over- Lily: -walks over to my locker and gets my skateboard and says goodbye to all my friends and skates home- ~~~~~~THE NEXT DAY~~~~~~ Lily: -wakes up, super jittery and drags all of my suitcases downstairs, still in my pajamas- Morning mom! -takes some bacon and eats it- Joanne (Lily's Mom): Hey sweetie -smiles and continues reading book- Lily: I'm gonna go get ready! -runs upstairs and changes into a red crop top, denim shorts, and beat up converse and goes downstairs- Let's go! -family drives to airport and gets on plane- Lily: -sits in seat and doesn't notice a boy looking at her- ~~~~~45 MINUTES PASSED~~~~~ -alarm goes off and plane goes down- Speaker: Attention! We are crashing! Please follow the safety instructions we rehearsed! -everyone follows the rules and land on an island, the plane all beat up- Lily: -groans and gets up and walks around, not looking where she's going- What else can go wrong? -bumps into someone and falls- Guy: -bends down and looks at Lily- I'm so sorry, I wasn't looking! -notices this is the girl I was looking at in the plane- I'm Danny...
Lol I was so confused at first because my collaboration is called Escape and one of the names we were considering was Stranded. And it's about a plane crashing on an island too… Anyways, I like the plot, and I think you should use quotation marks when people are speaking, and use lots of detail!! Try to describe the emotions, make the emotions really intense, like how scared she was when the plane crashed. Keep writing!
Oh lol I'm so sorry, I didn't even see yours! Sorry you may have thought I copied you, I really didn't Thanks for the advice, I'll use it in my updates, etc.
Lily's POV: GREAT. Just great! The plane crashed! Now I'm stuck here with a bunch of strangers! My mom is getting my bags while this guy is apologizing to me. He's actually kinda cute.... Lily: -shakes head- "No, don't be sorry, it was my fault." Danny: -helps Lily up. "Don't worry about it. Look like we are going to be here for a while..." Lily: -sighs and crinkles nose- "Yeah, I know. Probably for a few days.. Hopefully no longer!" Danny: "Yeah, I know how you feel. Wanna walk around the island...?" -goes a little red- Lily: -smiles, softly blushing- "Sure." Danny's POV: Wow, is this seriously happening!? Lily is beautiful, absolutely stunning! Hopefully we can get to know each other more... -Danny and Lily walk and see a waterfall- Lily: -gasps- "It's gorgeous!" Danny: -looks over at Lily with his big brown eyes- "Just like you..."
Nice use of the quotations Also, you shouldn't put the character's name and dashes around the actions, like a rp form. For example: Danny's POV Lily and I began to walk down the beach, our feet sinking in the soft sand. We soon came to a majestic waterfall, the crystal clear water cascading over the edge. "Wow, this is beautiful," Lily breathed, awestruck. I gazed at her with my chocolatey brown eyes. "Just like you."
Lily's POV I looked over at Danny and smiled softly. "Thank you", I whispered, and jumped into the crystal clear water, and laughed at seeing Danny. He looked as small as an ant from where I was looking. "Come in in, the water is amazing!" Danny's POV I jumped in as Lily wished, and we swam in the crystal clear water. We could see everything at the bottom of the water, mostly fish and brightly colored plants. We swam under the majestic waterfall. I was a nervous wreck, all I could think was "This is my chance" or "Does she even like me?" I smiled at her with my bright white smile and swam to the bottom of the water, and saw her follow behind me. I looked into her ocean blue eyes. Lily's POV He is so amazing! He's probably my best friend here, and maybe my last one ever... Well, I have to live everyday like it's my last, because here, who knows when it will be. I was smiling and swimming, and then everything went black...