4 year old Shelby awakes in her room to the sound of screaming she stands up her long blonde hair flowing behind her she walks to her door and down the stairs to the living room. She hears the screams again. She looks at the basement door where the screams Are coming from she stands there frozen in fear "MISS ADAMS!!" 17 year old Shelby awakes with a start in her English class her long black hair whipping around her "yes miss stock" she says in reply. Miss stock glares at her "if you want to dream about the Boys you sleep with do it else where" Shelby hangs her head in shame the bell rings and Shelby leaves school. While Shelby is skinny young wears tight t-shirts and short shorts no guy will talk to her and no girl likes her she walks through the school people Glare at her with jealousy curiosity and fear. He gets to her old truck and drives home. She stops on the way and grabs a sand which for her dad she arrives at home and walks to the basement door she opens it and sees her dad wearing a hokey mask and holding A bloody knife at the bottom of the stairs. A girl lies there chained up and blessing all over next to him. Shelby yells "hey dad I got you a sand which" "thanks dear would you like to have a turn down hear while I eat my sandwich" he replied Shelby walks Down stairs and takes the knife "that's my girl" her father says as he watches shelby cut the girl again and again.
What! In! The! World! uh I wanna read more but then I don't it depends how the rest of the story goes uh update.
1. Use shorter sentences and more periods, because there's a lot of run-on sentences. Also, it builds suspense. 2. If you decide to do a few run-on sentences, use commas for a break between it. 3. Go onto another paragraph when a different person speaks, and use end punctuation for dialogue. 4. Sometimes, random words are capitalized for no reason in the middle of the sentence. 5. Proofread for spelling mistakes. I'm not trying to hate on your story or say it's bad, this is just my advice.
Shelby sits in her math class not paying attention. A new boy walks in. she looks up and sees there is nothing special against about him at all he was the most average person she had ever seen. he was skinny but not to skinny he was in shape but not to in shape he he had short median brown hair the only thing special was his eyes his green grey eyes looked special. He sat down in the empty seat next to Shelby. She looks at the bored when she hears the boy "hey I'm Tristan" she keeps looking forward "hi" Tristan waits for a second. Then he says "um I didn't catch your name" Shelby instantly glares at him "why do you care" she says begrudgingly Tristan looks at her clearly scared "um no reason" Lunch time Tristan looks around wondering where he should sit on his first day. he sees Shelby sitting all Alone reading a book. He walks over and sits across from her. With out looking up from her book she says "what do you want" Tristan instantly breaks a sweat and runs the back of his head nervously "well um I didn't know where to sit and you looked lonely" Shelby closes her book and looks up at Tristan "look I don't need some one looking out for me that's my fathers job and he does it well" Tristan looks at her sadly "wait you don't have any friends" he says curiously. she starts to glare again "no I don't you gonna call me weird to" she says angrily. "well then I'll be your first" Tristan smiles big and drinks his soda. "well um wait but I mean you want to be MY friend" Tristan nods his head "well then ok we can be friends my name is Shelby. Sorry but I can remember your name" Tristan smiles at her."my name is Tristan" Shelby ways her food slowly nervously and a little awkwardly as she thinks "I have a friend?" Around 6pm Shelby gets home her dad is eating in the kitchen "hey dad" he looks at her "you're late" Shelby smiles big and dances around "sorry I made a friend. Now let's get to work" Shelby grabs a knife and the two of them walk into the basement. Her dad smiles "so whats your friend like" she smiles and dances down the stares towards the man who's chained up down stairs "oh he's great he just wants to hang out and have a good time even with me of all people" her dads face becomes grim "he?" Shelby looks at him "ya why" she says as she stabs the knife into the chained up man.
Better Just remember end punctuation for dialogue, and start a new paragraph when someone else is talking. Also capitalization on the beginning of the sentences.
Four year old Shelby walks to the basement door she reaches for the handle...... RING RING "what the hell" 17 year old Shelby yells leaping out of bed to the sound of her alarm. She looks and her clock says 7:45 "no no no I'm late I'm late Shelby runs through her morning routine. She manages to get down stairs about 8 o'clock. "morning dear" her dad yells as she runs down stairs "sorry dad can't talk late for school" she runs out side gets in her truck and drives off. Her dad watches the truck drive away "school? But it's Saturday." Shelby gets to school and sees her mistake and she's about to drive home. When she sees Tristan lying in the grass of the school. She stops her car and gets out and walks over to him. "What are you doing Tristan?" She asks confused he looks up at her and smirks "oh you know just hanging out" he says "hey you know what you should sit down and join me. I always want to hang out with a girl who's bra is on the outside of her shirt" Shelby looks at him confused then looks down her cheeks instantly become dark red "you know I never took you for white and strawberries" he says smugly