Rushed, numerous punctuation mistakes... People... I'm not trying to be mean, but really? You're not doing much of a job being good readers here. xP
Shelby's pov "TRISTAN!!!!! Who the hell is this?" he's kissing another girl no wonder he hasn't called. I can't believe him. "ummmmm I can explain this isn't what it looks like" isn't what it looks like ya right "so you weren't just kissing another girl" "ok I was but it meant nothing" Ali's pov Did he just say it meant nothing I push him away from me "meant nothing I told you I love you Tristan" "um Ali wait I mean it did mean somthing" what he isn't making sense. Tristan's pov Oh ****
Sorry but I just needed to comment ,_. "Tristan I love you""Felicia don't leave me" If you write like that, I don't get who's saying what. So you could do "Tristan I love you" said Felicia Or something like that. Oh and watch out for the punctuation Other then that you're fine -Nightmare
One hour later Tristan's pov I sit there on the floor to huge red hand prints on my face "ow I don't think both of them has to slap me" damn it what was I gonna two girls I loved them both I have to hurt one but which one. Ali's pov I sit on the beach in my white dress. I notice the knees of my dress are wet I wipe my face and see more water and I rember the book "tears are tiny water droplets that fall from your eyes when your sad" I still don't understand why I'm so upset I mean I'm the one who pressed my lips against his what did that girl call it right I kissed him damn that other girl. Shelby's pov "BAMN" "BAMN" "BAMN" I empty the clip into the target then I lay the gun on the counter and look at the sales man behind me "I'll take this one"
It's called criticism. You can't be a writer if you can't take any of it. God. What has our generation come to? =_=
That's called being a writer. And if you want to 'tell a story', you have to improve on how you tell it, so that your readers can understand. And right now I can't really understand it. :I Nohate. ._.