So this is my first story I'm writing on here. Please dont put that you hate it and say words that would make me not want to write again. I will accept criticism. ------------------------------ 3 yrs. ago I always hate the night, especially of it is storming. All the thunder and lightning freaks me out. So I was jut in my room playing with my little doll when the thunder started out of nowhere. The forecast didn't even call for it. As I got out of bed and started heading to the door in my cami and shorts I heard voices. "Give her to me" I froze and turned,but no one was there. I heard a second voice and this time it was a females. "You will never find her,I've hidden her." She sounded pretty very confident and a little cocky, but there was also a little hint of fear in her voice as if she didn't actually believe what she was saying. " haha" the males voice laughed "Oh Yue but you must know that your magic is waning and soon se will come back to the world and then that's when I will make my move" "Ha! There is more people than me protecting her! You will never find the princess, while you still live she will be guarded." Then the thunder and lightning stopped and I stood there frozen at the door. ------------------------------- I hope you like
Here's the update. -------------------------- I wake up again drenched in sweat and screaming my head off. Ive been having the same dream since I was 7 which was three years ago. In the dream I see people in it which is weird. The people were dress in old fashion clothes, the guy had some fancy pants and a ruffled long sleeve shirt while the girl was in a long flowing dress. My dad came in my bedroom then cause he heard the scream. He's not my actual dad though I was adopted when I was born. I was crying when he got in the bedroom. The dream still freaks me out cause I swear it was real. "Hey Charlie it's ok it's ok it was just a dream" He comforted me and soon I stopped crying and went to bed. Johns POV(the dad) I was still mad that Yue let her powers wane that night and allowed Charlie to hear what was going on in her real world. Charlie is my subject that I have to guard with my life. She's special to our people but the trick is not letting her find out until she's old enough. Everything in Bulona was perfect until the evil sorcerer Waychan stepped in and tried to kill princess Charlie to get to the throne so since then I've been having her guarded in another dimension called Earth. This place will work until the princess turns 14, and be able to take the crown and defend herself. -------------------------------- Yea I used my name that's on here I just really love that name hope you like I know not a lot of action happened in it but this was just to explain everything that's happened and who some people are. And sorry for the mistakes.
BUUUUUUUUMMMMMP ALL THE WAY FROM THD BEACH! Hi Charlie it's better than any of my writing oh my gosh lol
Yes you should but I have to say.. Everything is moving quite fast, try to ease new important information in and you never said what the dream was, just curious Other than that it's good and I like it BUMPIES
Wait.. This is your first story?! Gee this is a lot better than other peoples first tries, I must say I am impressed
Lol thnx and yea it's my first story I love reading everyone else's stories so I thought I try my own
Good thing you decided to start this, I've been dying for something else to read Well I'm off to bed before I stop making sense
Update ------------------------ Charlie's POV When I woke up the sun was high up in the sky with no clouds. When I looked at my clock it read 12:00 pm. I groaned,I'm so gonna get in trouble. I got out of bed then started putting on my clothes for today, then I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and braid my hair back. My dad was in the living room watching wheel of fortune. "Hey dad" I said in the most sweet voice I could come up with. " Your up late" he noted " Yea sorry about that must have not got that much sleep" I looked down. He looked at me, "Next time be awake on time" He smiled "And there's some things I need you to pick up at the store" Aw so heres my punishment. " ok" I sighed and went to the kitchen to pick up the list. -------------------------- Charlie's POV So a half hour later I finally made it to the store. I picked up se grapes,bananas,and apples. Next I got some chicken and milk. Yea he sent me out to get a couple things. When I started walking home I noticed a guy who was also in the store and he was behind on my way there following me. I should have noticed he was dressed in all black so I couldn't see him and he was picking up the pace but I was aggravated that I had to go out. The guy was suddenly beside me and he put his hand over my mouth and pushed me up against a building. I was to paralyzed to do anything. " I finally got to you." It was the same voice two years ago talking about a princess. " haha they never expected me to get to you do soon, let's go" he jerked me back and i tripped and fell hitting my head on the ground hard so now I'm seeing double. " I said lets go." he dragged me up then all of a sudden I heard his breath being taken out of him and I'm falling again falling on my head. I could feel moisture on my head and suddenly I couldn't see anything. "****" I soon realized it was Yues voice from that fateful night. " I have to get to back before he wakes up. The girl picked me up and I drifted thinking about what happened three years ago and wondering whether I was a princess. ---------------------------- There you go I don't know if this story is getting worse or not I think it is but here some feedback please. And some ideas about what I could put please. And please tell me if I'm rushing or not.