Pretty good, but go a little slow, or write pieces of the chapter. But it sounds good already keep going Stud
It's pretty good. But if you're writing chapter you should include more detail, or just write pieces of the chapter, either one satisfies haha. Keep adding more though, Stud
Here's the update! Chapter Two- Chase I had my life made.. I had tons of friends, lived in a big house, went to a wealthy school, and had personal tutors! Even servants! I was I my 8.. I was wearing a $2000 tux ad a pair of $200 shoes. I have my mothers bright radiant green eyes and freckles, and I have my fathers licious brown hair and stunning smile. I wandered thought the incredible huge ballroom peering at the remarkable decorations. I found my mother and father on the other side of the enormous building. "Hey there kiddo, my father declared, ruffling my already messy hair, "how's it goin? Found any pretty girl yet?" "No father," I simply replied, "not yet!" my mother glared at me sternly into my shining eyes, making them dull down. I strolled casually to the punch, where I spotted a very pretty girl, but I simply ignored her, as she did me. I continued to the bathroom, where I obviously went to the bathroom.. I was washing my hands when I heard four gunshots. I quickly dried my hands and went to leave the room when my friend Kobys father shoved me back in. "Stay here!" he commanded, them left the room and seconds later came back with more children. We waited in the cramped bathroom for about an hour before we got out. When we got outside there were news reporters everywhere you looked. I noticed a ambulance loading bodies. There were about 10 bodies. I walked casually over to the medic and asked who had been killed. He was listing off the people when I heard the names.. Marcy and Lucas Andrews, my parents, they are my parent and they are d-d-dead.. A female news reporter noticed me and approached asking me, "Young man, how do you feel about this occurrence?" I stared into space for a whole before answering, "My parents are dead..." Then I turned and began to sprint away. I finally got to a bridge and crawled underneath, and I was surprised to see a girl probably my age asleep under it. I gasped and she began to wake up and stretch. When she turned and saw me sitting there she gasped and calmly said, "Hi, I-I'm D-Dakota.." Then she sadly extended her hand and "smiled." Hope you enjoyed it!!! Hope it was better then the last!!!!! Thanks!
Be careful with your errors. Try revising before you post, and include who's point of view it is. Ex: "Chase POV" "Dakota POV"
Hey guys this is Stud_Shorty1! I got a new phone for my birthday today! I am still writing but haven't got around to writing a new chapter yet!! So sorry!