Im gonna be honest...I don't like it. My opinion, and I will be kind about it so please don't hate me. The guy is too spoiled, and Emma doesn't have enough liveliness to me. Plus it's a live story I think, so that I don't like either. But, it's well written.
Emma's POV I had finished tutoring when he asked a question. " Would you like to..........." I had always dreamed about being his and he was about to ask. " go swimming?" I felt crushed for a moment and then nodded slightly. He smiled and said that I could ask his maid for a bathing suit or bikini and he winked at me. I asked for a bikini and she gave me a decent one, covered up most of my chest and bottom. I wrapped a beach towel around me and walked outside to e greater by a wave of heat. I looked at the pool and saw Cody in his trunks. He smiled at me and I smiled back. Getting closer I took the towel off and set it on a chair before I jumped in the pool. He smiled and I got his hair wet. We had a splash war and I won. We played around for just a little bit. His green eyes sparkled from the sun. We dried off and I laid on the beach chair, letting sun's heat warm me. I felt Cody eye on my and I am pretty sure they were checking me out. I smiled to myself and soon I fell asleep. I woke up in Cody's room I looked around, it was dark outside and I saw that I was still in the bikini. I quickly got changed and opened the door to see Cody's brother spying on me. He was only 1 an was so cute. I smiled and picked him up and carried him around. Cody bumped into me and Jackson almost fell out of my arms. He flailed his arms and soon settled down. Cody smiled at me and said " I see you are awake" I smiled back and he said he would walk me home. He gave me a piggy back ride home and I played with his hair. Once we got to my driveway I slid down his back and thanked him for walking me home. I got on my tippy toes and kissed his cheek. He was 6"2' and I was at his upper chest. He blushed and kissed my forehead. I waved goodbye as I opened my door. I explained to my parents why I was late and they nodded. I went to my room and changed into my pjs before crawling into my bed and falling asleep
Adam it is ok And I can't do action DX i have tried on another site and it failed terribly but I am glad that you think it is well written
Here's what I have to say: I like it, but it just seems too perfect. Add a little drama into the story. Don't let it be that perfect love story, add some danger, if you can. Or add something that changes their thoughts or creates some wrong in their lives. You need to add some suspense at the end of an update, to keep readers hooked for more. But don't use suspense at every update. Just some, that way it keeps giving you ideas. Make updates a bit longer. There is nothing wrong with them now, just add maybe a paragraph or two. There can be short updates, but most like those longer updates. And if one seems to short, add another person's point of view. But don't add too many, because it might confuse your readers Also, add a bit more details, to give your readers a better picture. But don't overdo it. And lastly, add some sort of way that your readers can connect with your characters. Like family death, betrayal, something readers can understand from personal experiences. Other than that, it is very good, well written, and I like how you described your characters where it flowed with the story. That's how it needs to be done. Fabulous.
Thankies o3o and my iPod was about to die so I couldn't continue so I had to end it. Emma's POV I woke up with a yawn and a soft breeze flowed through my room, my window was open and so was my door. I sighed and got up, and took a shower. Of course it was a quick one so I could have more time to see if there was anything to do for school. I checked, none. I walked down and saw my brother. I squealed with joy and ran to him, tackling him with a hug. There was a girl beside him and she smiled slightly at me. I got off him and asked so many questions I think I got a headache. He answered ten and soon introduced us to his soon to be wife. I smiled and was about to shake get hand but she pulled away before giving me a dirty look when nobody was looking. Have to eat brb will continue
I agree with them. I think it's an awesome story, but there isn't enough action. You should also have more description to make it seem more "alive". But otherwise, it's really good.
This story...is sorta like mine. I'm not saying its a copy. But, mine has the main characters names as Emma and Cody. And oh look what a surprise yours does to. So please, try to do something about it. Thank you. Have a nice day.
What......... But I don't like having to change things Bleh...... I guess Cody can be Daniel but then it shall be confusing
I'm not saying you hate to! I'm just asking for you to change some stuff. The names dont bother me at all