A Demon Within

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by *AdamGontier (01), May 29, 2012.

  1. Evil... Ha, that's what they call me. Am I really evil? Maybe. The fact I have power to do pretty much anything except good things. Well, I could, but it's kind of against my morals.

    Being an evil being and all, kind of get used to being evil. Eh, well, I mostly live a human life, except I kill...a lot. Maybe it's because it's fun, or how I survive. We all got to eat something! That's what I eat.

    Yep, that's right...humans. Odd? Not for me. It's the way it's always been for me, and my friends. Yeah, I have friends just like me. I'm older than most, about 140 years old. I lost count, I wouldn't know.

    Anyway, raising evil isn't easy. Okay, maybe it is. And I enjoy it, and I enjoy making other people do it. Yeah, I can possess people... I'm a demon, it's what I do.

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    No religious offenses intended. Okay, so, I wanted to try something new. I usually don't do fantasy. Thought I'd try it with a sardonic, and evil character. Tell me what you think.
     
  2. I like it.. it's really different from all the other stories :)
     
  3. Adam  Bravo, I love it! (my thread idk what to do next )
    You are doing so well! Im very addicted to it, and I hope to see you update again!
    BUMP!
    -sky the author 
     
  4. Bump
     
  5. Its pre good but I don't like evil stuff 
     
  6. It's supposed to be different Rita... I'm sick of all these, innocent stories... With all the romance and the character that's so perfect... So, my character is evil.
     
  7. I can feel the hate, the rage towards me as I suck the life out of my victim. Like a vampire, except not. I'm much more powerful than those amateurs. She is begging, pleading!

    "Please, stop..." She says in a monotonous sequence.

    Pulling away, I look at her. Blood dripping down, nearly unconscious in death, but hanging on. I stick my hand out in front of me with it's long talons, and horns for knuckles.

    She wrenches in pain, as I literally crush her heart. I then laid my hand down by my side. Feeling a hint of sorrow, which never do I experience such feelings.

    I snap out of my state, and finish her off with a final blow. I feel weak and fatigued. Then I am out, and find myself back in my original home...

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    Anyone care to guess where he went?
     
  8. Ummm not sure bump!!!!!
     
  9. But......... I like innocent people but the story is really good  good job
     
  10. How do you all like it so far?
     
  11. My characters are not perfect Adam just saying anywayyyss, UPDATE
     
  12. This will take a twist... A very interesting twist... But I need feedback...
     
  13. "What do you make me out to be, Sin?!" He boomed from his fiery throne.

    Yes, my name is Sin. Nobody suspects anything, nothing at all. I like that they're so naïve.

    "I don't make you out to be anything, master!" I pleaded. Totally sounding like I cared.

    "You kill the innocent too much! If you haven't noticed, this estabilishment was made to torture the bad, vile people in this world! Maybe you should learn the value of human life!"

    "How?" I asked.

    "You will become half-human. You will have your powers, but everytime you use them for malignant intentions, you will be punished."

    "No! You can't!"

    "I can!"

    And like that I fell to a hard surface, on a hot, rough sidewalk. While people rushed to see the naked man lying on his back, probably dying. But no, not, because I kind of can't die.

    Well, I can now. But not here. If you send someone with a purpose and kill them without a chance, it's kind of pointless. But anyway, looking down and seeing a plainskinned body underneath me was shocking.

    I was human! Well, half. But you get the idea... Now what?

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    WHOA! What now!? Lol
     
  14. Yay  his not going to be all evil  great twist
     
  15. So, first thing being human: Seriously injured! Amazing! I'm being driven to a hospital in an ambulance... ******* cliché ****!

    Let's skip to the part where this nurse comes in my room and we fall in love, and I'm forever good for her...no. Let's go to what really happened. I am in my hospital bed when a nurse comes in.

    "How are you doing?" She asks in her rushed tone.

    "Been better... Much better..."

    "You sound a little angry. A normal response to severe pain."

    "Ha!"

    "I'll let you get rest."

    She walks out of the room and I instantly jump up out of bed. Ow! I forgot that I can't heal at an escalated rate anymore!

    I limped out of the room and started to try to go faster as the staff started chasing me. I still have my power he said... Maybe just making a little obstacle course won't be considered malignant.

    I literally point my hand and random objects, such as tables, desks, and chairs fall behind me. Still limping, I limped out the front door as it opened automatically.

    Security started to chase after me, so I used all my might to break into a run. Pretty soon I was on a street, dark, and dismal. Excruciating pain going through me, as I fell on my knees.

    Falling face-first into the ground, as my moderately muscled arms fail to catch me. Blackness is not what I see, like others. I dream.

    Waking up, my vision was blurred. I looked around to envision the room. It was darkly lit, and quiet. A figure walked in with a tray with a substance on it.

    I am not familiar with human foods and drinks. She lays the tray down and says "I brought you some tea." In the most innocent voice.

    "What happened?" I asked sleepily.

    "You passed out and I found you while I was driving home. You looked really hurt, and I had to pick you up as a goodhearted person. I'm really not one for leaving the injured to die."

    "I doubt I'd die..."

    "What do you mean?"

    "Nothing... Ugh, I must go as soon as possible."

    "But...you just got here."

    "I'm not safe."

    "Why?"

    "Trust me!" I said in a raspy, loud voice. It had an edge as if I had an amplifier.

    Innocence, sickening to me. Maybe worse! I desperately want to murder her in cold blood, but I can't. Or can I? The punishment may be worth it!

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    VOTE: Should he kill her? Yes or no with a legitimate reason!