Chanice: Dear diary, I saw this cute boy in school today, he just transferred from Dallas, his name is Ken Robinson He has this Soft blonde hair that flips just perfectly, he has this...... Miss Colin: WHAT ARE YOU WRITING MISS CHANICE GRANGER?! Chanice: ermmmm.. Nothing.. Teehee.. Miss Colin: one more time, I would confiscate that book and you will only get it back till the end of school! Chanice : I'm so sorry miss. I would never write in class again *cough* as if * cough* Miss colin: very well then.... RINGGGGGG!! Chanice: FINALLY! School is over! Thank goodness it is Friday! Allyson: yeah. I know right! Such a relif... Anyway, ken Robinson just ask me out!!LOL Chanice:*coughs* really? Allyson: yeah! He sent me a note saying that he likes me and wanted to go out with me.. He is such a cutie! Today is such a dream!! Chanice: oh.. That's cool.. Allyson: anyway, what did you wrote in your diary? I know but I'm just curious.. Chanice: oh! Nothing, just something I wrote about a something something... Allyson: What?! Oh wait, here comes my soon to be husband! Chanice: * rolls eyeballs* yeah like tht would happen...( saying it softly) Ken: hey Love!* winks* Allyson: *blushes* hey.. So about that letter. Ken: yeah? Allyson: I would love I mean LIKE to go out with you.... Ken: what? I didn't wrote to u that letter! I wrote it to Chanice?! Don't you read who is it to? Allyson: oh. * smiles sadly at Chanice* He is yours.. Chanice: m...meeee?! Umm.. Wait I have to think about it.. You know, you can just call me tomorrow and then we would discuss more about it.. Ken: okay.. *leaves* Allyson: that guy is such a dork! Don't go out with him! Do as I told. Besides, you are just 18! Chanice: I am 18 and a half! Seriously?! Why Would I follow your damn rules?! Ever since we are young, you flirted with boys whom I like! You hurt me real bad and now, a boy likes me, you don't want me to date him, geez you are sa big fat D***! No wonder you have no friends! Allyson: but.. You ARE my friend... Chanice: that was before.. I will find new friends now.. Allyson: FINE!!* flipping her blonde curls around* I will find a new friend! Chanice: stop flipping your hair it only makes you look sick! Allyson: you are just jealous that I have beAutiful curls while u have an blonde straight hair! Chanice: urghhh! Don't EVER talk to me AGAIN! Allyson: cheez.. What a brat... ~next day~ *ken calls Chanice* Chanice: hey. Ken: hey. Chanice: soo when is our date? Ken: 6pm tonight maybe? Chanice : okay... Ken: maybe at That Chinese restaurant in moonloose street.. Chanice: okayy.. See you there! Ken: you too! Love ya Chanice: to you too! * hangs up phone* * dance around* Chanice: I can't believe this is happening! I gotta call Annie! * calls annie* Annie: hello? Chanice: it's me! Chanice Granger!! Lawl! Annie: oh! Haha Chanice: anyway, Ken just ask me out and I wanna Ask you.. Annie: WHAT?! He just asked you out?! That moron! He just dated me yesterday!! And we haven't broke up yet! Chanice: wait.. Which Ken? Annie: Simon Ken Lim Chanice: oh thAts not whom I'm dAting soon..I'm gonna date this guy, Ken Robinson... Annie: oh! My cousin! He kept telling me to introduce him to you.. He is so irritating.. Chanice: he is your cousin?! To be continued....
Just a comment.. I like the story and all but the punctuation and capitalization needs a bit of improvement...BUM-p!
The spelling needs to be improved. There is too much dialogue and needs punctuation marks, and vocabulary.
*love When writing dialogue you put quotation marks around the words being spoken. Also describe the character's actions, instead of *leaves*, he holds Chancie's eyes for a moment, then turns on his heels a saunters toward his car. Also it's a bit confusing how they talk. I can't make sense of it. Like "you're just jealous of my beautiful curls and your straight blond hair" I don't understand. "You're just jealous of my beautiful blond curls. You have lifeless straight hair." "stop flipping your hair, you look sick." I can't even make sense of that.