Dick in a Box

Dick in a Box
----- Chapter 1
Money, Sex, and Fame, Part 1
--

"VOTE ME FOR PRESIDENT AND I WILL GIVE YOU LOTS AND LOTS OF SEX."

Heated whispers of doubt and excitement rang throughout the auditorium. I'm surprised that Emmett offered to fuck everyone in the ass. Unfortunately, I don't think that's an appealing suggestion to the straight men in this school.

"OMG EMMETT YOU ARE SO HOT, BUTT FUCK ME."

Ugh. Disgusting. The very thought of people flinging themselves at him repulses me... I just can't stand the fact that many many naïve girls are emailing him pictures of their silicon filled boobs. Why? I mean, they've got a future ahead of them, unlike heartthrob McManslut here.

"REMIND YOU ALL, VOTE FOR ME AND I WILL MAKE ALL OF YOUR SICK DISGUSTING AND TWISTED FANTASIES COME TRUE."

"OMG, YOU'LL BUTT FUCK ME AND BREAK THE BED WHILE WE'RE HAVING SEX LIKE THAT FAIRY FROM THAT MOVIE I CAN NEVER REMEMBER AND PLAN NOT TO?!"

"Er... Yes?"

Stupid Edward Cullen poser sneaky little faggot haired—

-----

"That was the best speech this loser school has ever had..."

"Eh. "

"Don't get too ahead of yourself now..."

"CHICKEN BUTT!"

The cramped space of Emmett's bedroom was enough to make me gag. It smelled of sweaty socks and clothes that were way overdue their laundry date...

Posters that said 'Jonas Brothers SUCK' and 'JUSTIN BIEBER HAS A BEAVER' were stuck on the wall, with lewd and very offensive scribbles drawn everywhere. It was quite surprising how his mother didn't scream at him for bashing talentless eye candy celebrities.

"I'm still wondering why we have to practice at YOUR house. Zane's garage is way bigger, and it smells like hot chicks, not dead vultures served on a silver plate."

"HEY, don't you dare insult the diamond encrusted doorknob."

Expecting Zane or Ace to jump in and agree with me, I looked around, hoping that they'd at least open their mouths. But NOOO... Not even one slight attempt. All I see is a fucking poptard peeling a banana and a sad emo kid resting against the walls, listening to some shitty angst filled music.

"Ugh. Fuck it. We seriously need to practise, dude."

"Why? I'm hot. Chicks are gunna vote for me, AND they're going to applause even if we're a talentless band."

Unbelievable. The lead singer, and the founder of this completely dumb band, gave up on it. Three years of bonding.

I remember him squealing about it when we were in middle school. I'm curious as to when he became such an egotistical bastard. That, and it's a miracle that I'm friends with a *** like him.

"Stop being a hypocrite. You look good but you sound like shit."

No reply. Content with the new found peacefulness, I grabbed the guitar and slung it over my shoulders. Looking up, Zane chucked his headphones at the wall, which broke into a million tiny pieces. Unfazed by it all, he grabbed the keyboard and sat in front of it, flexing his fingers before letting them glide effortlessly on the black and white keys. As for Ace, he looked down at the drum kit and drum sticks in confusion before realizing what he was supposed to do.

"Hey, ass. What song are we playing?"

"Smells Like Teen Spirit."

"... Aww... Come on, can't we skip that? I wanna sing Cookie Jar..."

"No."

That sober and serious tone... Zane's face was a blank canvas. No expressions. His onyx eyes hidden behind those glasses stared straight ahead, almost as if looking through my soul... God, that's creepy.

"Why?"

Emmett crossed his arms like a stubborn child, a little too determined... And that was a wrong, wrong choice. Nobody ever escaped alive when they were up against Zane in an argument.

"Because. That song, has enough meaning for me to actually listen to it."

"So?"

"Shut up before I grab my pistol and stick in near your temple."

Emmett gulped, before grimacing. Sometimes even I wondered how he managed to persuade somebody like Zane into joining our band...

Soft tapping came from the microphone held in Emmett's hands. His eyelids were drooped. A moment of hesitation followed before the entire band began to play.

'Load up on guns and bring your friends,
It's fun to lose and to pretend...
She's over bored and self assured,
Oh no, I know a dirty word—

Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello!

With the lights out, it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My libido
Yay!

I'm worse at what I do best,
And for this gift I feel blessed,
Our little group has always been,
And always will until the end—

Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello!

With the lights out, it's less dangerous,
Here we are now, entertain us,
I feel stupid and contagious,
Here we are now, entertain us,
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My Libido
Yay!

And I forget just why I taste...
Oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile,
I found it hard, it was hard to find,
Oh well, whatever, nevermind—

Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello!

With the lights out, it's less dangerous,
Here we are now, entertain us,
I feel stupid and contagious,
Here we are now, entertain us,
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My libido

A denial—'

"Wow... It's actually relaxing to hear you guys practicing for a while."

Emmett hid the microphone behind his back, almost a little embarrassed. The manager had walked in on us while we were playing... No wonder he'd be red. He was like... in some sort of deep concentration. Like a jedi meditating. He had some heavy ass shit going on in his mind when he was singing like the world depended on it... That, and he was infatuated with her. I can't blame him, though. Her delicate hand rested on the cool doorknob... She was waiting patinetly for one of us to say something. Although Emmett looked as if he had problems speaking, he managed to spit out a few words. At least he formed a coherent sentence.

"Like it, Trix? I'm planning on putting that on our concert song list..."

"It's done. I organized it for you already."

There was no pitch of emotion. If possible, she looked like... a hot, female version of Zane. Her black hair was tied up in a ponytail and her green eyes were hidden behind her glasses. Her smooth legs were crossed, and she looked sort of annoyed. I wondered if that was even possible. Trixie, the journalist, athlete, and music geek, the most patient one in the entire band, is tapping her fingers on the mahogany table. Nobody else noticed except me.

"TRIXIE! DID YOU BUY ME SOME CANDY?!"

The awkward silence broke as Ace bounded over to her, tackling her. Emmett looked irritated. Who wouldn't, when their crush was being squished by a complete idiot? Ace even had a clear view of her cleavage, not like she had a huge rack or anything.

"OH MY GOD, SNICKER PARTY!!"

Pulling something out of her bag was another bag. A plastic one. The bag of treats she held looked like... Cookies that were pooped on.

Zane was still looking down at his feet. I was pretty shocked, there were bunny patterns on his grey socks. My suspicions of him being gay have arose...

"Can I listen to you guys play again?"

"O-of course!"

Emmett looked smitten. His face was full of mixed emotions. All I knew was that he was having a boner eyeing Trixie's tits. Damn, I never paid attention to her, but she was kind of hot. I guess those months of gymnastics seriously paid off. That, and I think she's wearing an actual bra instead of flattening her almost non existent breasts.

I give her booty a 5/8. Eh. Pretty generous. A cups tend to be rated a 1 in my book.

"Yum."
-----

I might update this when I'm bored. I guess I wanted something new. ._.

It's drama and comedy. Four bros and one hoe. 8(

 

Re: **** in a Box

Did you seriously read that in one minute or less, or did you just skim through it and post an advertisement about your story in hopes people would read it? :/