Sally - Long, light brown hair, brown eyes, muscular (mainly her hands and legs), slim but has some curves, short (155cm tall), cream colored skin, playful, loud, loves everything especially fights, and her younger twin brother. Goes to an all girls school. Sam- Sally's twin brother, short brown hair, brown eyes, muscular, tall (163cm tall) creamy skin, sky, scared of alot of stuff, Sally's his role model. ----------------------------------------- "I can't believe this" I cried in front of the mirror while cutting my long brown hair, tears rolling out of my dark red eyes. "Why would you do this" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "Why would you kill yourself" I cried "Sally" my mother ran into my room tears rolling down her eyes. "Oh, my baby, what are you doing to your hair" she yelled trying to grab the scissors from my hands. "Mum read that letter" I pointed to my brown wooden bed, across the room. She let go of me and headed towards my bed. As she picked up the paper, I saw her slowly dying inside as she began to cry. "I'm going to dress as Sam and find out who did this to him" I sobbed while going and hugging my mum from the back.
So this is it. I'm actually going to pretend I'm Sam. I was standing in front of the large silver gates of the elite school my twin brother Sam attended. I was wearing his school uniform. His grey blazer and pants, his long blue tie with his rather large baby-blue buttoned shirt, I had done the top button of the shirt, cause when Sam sent me photos of him in his uniform, he had always worn his clothes correctly. When we were 7 our parents had split up, my dad had got all the money and my mum was left with nothing. Over the eight years, we had been sending messages to each other. He was one of the most happiest people I knew, why would he do this. Before he jumped of his roof, he had sent me a message saying ----------------------------------------- Sally, my lovely friend and twin, I'm so sorry, It wasn't you who had made me become this pathetic guy I am now. I'm hurt mentally. I can't live like this, the pain is too deep. Thankyou for always being here for me, if it wasn't for you I would have been dead for years. I'm sorry but this will be the last letter I'll be sending you. ----------------------------------------- I felt a warm tear rolling down my left eye, I brought up my hand to wipe it as I entered the huge gates.
People tend to enjoy feedback, so here goes. I think the piece would be much better if you didn't just tell the readers who they are and what they look like, but let them find out through description.
I'm standing outside with my stay-in school. There are three buildings, three huge buildings. The one to the left is a brown building, with a dark blue door and two broken windows on each side of the door. I guess the middle is the school, it's big, white and looks like it's divided into two second 'evil and good' I don't know but the door in the left has graffiti on it and the other looks like it's made of silver. Weird. The other cabin is clear white, not a single scratch on it. Now one problem, which do I go in? "Sam is that you?" I hear a voice from behind, okay Sally time to put my acting to a test. As I turn around, I'm brought to the ground, "I cant believe your back" she shouts as she pinches my cheeks. She has short blonde hair that stops at her shoulders, she's pale white and has a pack of make up on. Wow she looks like a clown. I giggle. "Sam" she says surprised "Did you just giggle?" she ask's. "uh.." I'm stopped from speaking as she pinches my cheeks again. "Oh your so cute" she whispers in my ear, what the heck was Sam in a relationship, he never wrote to me about this.
"Come on Sam, I missed you" she said as she got off me and stood up and dusted her blue short skirt.... her really short skirt. "So did you meet up with your sister yet" she asked as she offered her hand to me "you know about m... her?" how does she know me, this is weird. "Of corse I know about her, bestfriends usually tell each other about this type of stuff, are you okay Sam your not like your usually self" she asked. "I" I tried to say but a voice from behind cut me off. "heh guess goody two-shoes is back" he said, what the hell who is this basta*d. Turning around I saw him, it was him, how can I forget, the one that made my brothers childhood miserable "James" I mumbled. He still looked the same, bright forest green eyes, dark chocolate brown hair, shaved both sides of hair with bangs in the middle, with that stupid smirk on his natural red lips. He has grown a little too, I mean alot. He had two guys beside him, one in both sides. The one in the left with short black hair, brown eyes and slightly shorter than James. The other had long brown hair with blue ends, ocean blue eyes and red cheeks, about the same height as James. "Hn" he said his favorite word as he looked straight at me, don't tell me he already knows oh my gosh, shivers went down my body. "move" he said as he walked closer towards me, basta*d telling me what to do, who does he think he is? give me one good reason not to hit this idiots face.