When my parents divorced, I felt I was the mistake they had created. I vowed to myself I would never marry a man even if I truly loved him. Then I met Jake, he changed my perspective of love. Sigh I forgot to say that I think he is a total jerk. I haven't described yet why he is a jerk but I will get to that soon enough. It was a monday. Blue skies, couples flirting and me throwing up on a side walk. My best friend, Kendra (that one blonde girl everyone loved only because of her looks) was lecturing me as usual. This time it was about boys. "Amber Michelle Wischmen! You could easily get a boyfriend. You are a beautiful, colorful, smart and sweet music student! Why don't you just find someone?" Because I can't. Guys aren't that easy to find. They always are looking for that one girl who will listen to their demands. I don't want to date anyone like that. I have my own issues to deal with. I wiped a tissue across my mouth and threw it out in a trash bin. Watching a small dog chasing a ball made me happy. How fun that would be. Only having to chase a ball all of your life, not worrying about people, school and the consequences. Kendra started yelping. "Oh my god! It's Jake Renners! He's like, so perfect! I'd so love to be his girl. What about you Amber?" I thought about that for a second. "Depends on his attitude... maybe?" He approached Kendra who turned as red as an apple. "Did you see a a girl who looks about 6 years old, around here?" Kendra had shook her head no. "Oh. Bye then." We watched his brown hair fly as he ran off to another group of people. He could have been more polite when asking. Kendra didn't mind at all, instead she giggled. "He spoke to me! Amber, he spoke to me!" I knew exactly what she was thinking. He likes me! He obviously likes me! Eeeee! Yeah, definitely that. Too bad for her, though. He seemed more concerned with finding his little sister, Karyn. Always was and always will be. He never bothers to notice me. Oh yeah, I forgot to say, he is my step brother. He also does his best to make sure no one knows his mom got remarried to my dad. That's why I think he is a jerk.
To try and help you understand how I might somewhat like Jake, I will describe how it started. Inhaling his scent made me insanely. I tried hard not to inhale the smell, but I did. His shirt smelled of light cologne. Doing my best to stay calm, I plugged my nose temporarily. Smells of any kind made me sickly. Folding it into four sections and putting it in the pile with his other clothes, I had held my breath. Jake always just threw his clothes on the floor and I always picked them up. That was how we started having conversations. One time, I had gotten a note on his shirt that said, "Hi Amber. If you don't mind could you help mom with the lawn mowing tonight? I have to go to the pre-school." I gritted my teeth. Looking around for a pen and post-it note, I began to write. "Sure. I don't know if I can finish the backyard but I will try my best to do most of it. My friend, Kendra needs me to go with her for dance practice." I had left it on his desk. After that we would write one another looking for help with work or a simple question. He liked to ask me about little, random things such as, "Did you see my CD mix?" To be honest, I enjoyed our little conversations. Kendra had no clue that we lived together and were talking through post-it notes. I felt bad. What could I do, though? My dad fell for his mom. I wrote him about dad being out and asking if he would help me clean the house for when mom got home. I waited two hours like always, for that little thump on my door that showed he wrote back, he didn't. Three hours now... four. Waiting made me fall asleep. Today I've decided I will confront him. He had no right to ignore me. What had I done to annoy the jerk? Walking towards his room I gasped at what I saw.
On the ground was Jake's red wallet. It was open and inside there was a picture of me. Why would a guy who supposedly hates my type have a picture of me? Completely stunned, I decided to look into this more. When I was sure he left the house, I went into his room. Adult magazine here, adult 18 and up video here. This was not what I was looking for. Holding my breath carefully was hard to do. There was a photo book that had the cover written, 07-08 Middle School I opened it hoping to find a clue. He had a picture of his soccer team and a girl posing with him, smiling. She looked familiar but I couldn't identify her. Flipping the page, I had gotten to a group photo. "That's me and you together, on the left end." I jumped in shock. "S-sorry!" Jake looked at me carefully with his calm, blue eyes. "What are you doing here, anyway?" Standing up I realized my reason of storming here in the first place. "I want to know why you ignored me yesterday. You made me upset, personally." He looked down at the floor a bit, as an excuse to not look me in the eyes. Waiting for a response was long. It felt like forever, just waiting. "Amber, you mentioned your dad being gone and Karyn, you and I being alone. How did you expect me to respond to that?" Blushing was my escape route out of this. Whenever I blush people tend to back off of me. Instead, Jake went in for a one-sided hug. He then told me to "Get some rest." I guess he can be sort of sweet sometimes.
I am all alone. A mere rabbit who has lost all of her happiness. She has no specific place she can stay. Her meaning in life is that she doesn't have a meaning in life. Wait! There is meaning. Look, in front of you. I see Jake as a beautiful godly-like creature. "Kiss thy lips my lovely maiden. Kiss me and awake. Wake up." He paused for a second than began again. "Wake up. Wake up. Amber, wake up!" In an attempt to kiss him, I fell off my bed. "GAFAWWH!" I now realized it was morning and I needed to go to school. Looking out the window on the bus made me happier than listening to kids gossiping. "Like, did you hear about that guy who like, likes you?" Like, no. I never understood most girls my age, anyway. I go back to thinking about Jake and his manliness of sorts. Why am I thinking of him so much? Looking at a side street as the bus stops for a second, I make a squeak-like noise. No way in hell. Jake is driving a nice car with the girl I saw in his middle school picture book. Inhaling my breath, I soon exhale. For some reason seeing the two together upset me and I decide to turn towards the middle aisle, away from their pure light. School passes by fast and I soon return home. In fact I got a note from Jake asking me for help again. I decide I will help, but I have no reason to reply. Seems she is more important to him anyway. I paused in my thoughts. "Why am I so overly concerned about this?!" I feel like a rabbit on it's own once again. Alone with no one to be happy with. I turn on the television to watch wildlife mysteries until I fall asleep from the boredom.
The smell of life. That specific smell just ruins all of my existence. I forgot to tell you, I forget things a lot and don't make much sense when I talk with myself. I also am depressed. My school assignment has the title, Depression is Taking Over The World. Instead of writing about the world and its depression I start writing about myself. "The feeling of being alone is what depression is." Writing was never my strong point. Someone knocks on my door. "Heyo! Allow me to come in?" The rude tone is obviously Jake. He knocks more. Jerk. Standing up from my computer seat I crack the door open. "Would you like something, brother?" I said in my fake sweet tone. He hated it when I called him brother. Though, I secretly hated it also. He snarled. "Don't say that word. I wanted to talk with you. Please let me into your room." I slowly opened the door and gestured toward my bed for him to take a seat. He smiled with that calm look that made me secretly happy. He touched my blue bear. The one my real mom had given to me before she left. I treasured that bear more than he treasured Karyn. He noticed my intense worry-like stare. Sighing he started telling me about random stuff. "So, did you hear the president was here?" I nodded. "Cool, huh?" He obviously wanted to say something so I asked. "What's the matter?" He looked down, blushing. "Y'know, when you moved here I was devastated. I always watched you..." I thought that was a creepy thing to say but I allowed him to continue. "...What if I told you I might like you.. how would you react?" I fainted. Was that a dream or was it reality? I woke up with Jake staring at me, still blushing. Reality.