Karina _______ I wake up early and take a swim in the water to try to clean myself while Brian is asleep. Finally I get some alone time from him. I dive in and swim around. I didn't notice Brian watching me. "Oh hi." I said awkwardly. "Hey. Get ready we're leaving soon after I clean myself too." He says and jumps in. I get splashed so I splash him back. We have a splash war and of course I won. "I let you win." He says. "Yea right. I'm am just awesome." I say. "You are. Beautifully awesome." He says. We stare at each other smiling. "We'll we better get ready if we want to get to school on time." I say. We get ready and pack up our stuff. In one hour we arrive back to his house. "You have your own house? Already?" I ask. "Yea, my parents kicked me out saying that I was old enough to own my own place. I don't care at least I can do what I want now." He says. I have a text from Brennan. I wonder what he said. It says," Hey Karina, I haven't seen you all day yesterday. I miss you. I can't wait to see you today." I can't wait to see him too. "Well we better head to school." Brian says. We go to school and he parks his car in the back. "Ok we're here." He says. "Thanks."I say smiling. "Your welcome Karina. I love you."He says with his loving, caring voice as he used to before he started to beat me. "I guess I love you too." I say smiling. Brian closes the door and locks it. He leans in and so do I. We kiss slowly and passionately. "I can't wait for Spring break." I say softly. I can't believe I just said that. What am I doing?! I love Brennan. I stop kissing Brian and unlock the door. "Well see you later." I say and leave the car as he goes to his class in the other direction. I see Brennan's back to me and I run up to him. I don't notice Brian turn around and watch me and Brennan. "Brennan! I missed you!" I say. Brennan moves a lot and seems to hide something. "Karina? Oh Hi! I missed you too!" He says. We kiss and smile but then I see a girl. I look behind his car and see the girl. "Who's that?"I ask curious. "Oh her she's just a friend." He says seeming nervous. "Brennan, were you making out with her? Are you cheating on me?" I ask sadly. "Well, I .... Listen I can explain!" He says. "I think you should just leave her alone from now on." Brian says. I turn around and run to him hugging him. "Leave my girlfriend alone." Brennan says. "I'm not your girlfriend anymore. I'm your ex." I say with a angry voice. "Ex?! No no no no no no! Karina please! I didn't mean to cheat on you! It just happened some way!" Brennan says. "I'll be spending my Spring break with Brian now. Thanks for nothing Brennan." I say and walk away with Brian. "Karina...." Brennan whispers but resumes to kiss the girl. When he does I am heartbroken. "It's ok Karina. I knew he was a bad choice for you. Listen Karina Spring break is almost here and we can go anywhere you want. I love you and I won't hurt you anyway and neither will lover boy over there! I promise you that." He says with a powerful voice. I hug him tightly. "I want to go back to the waterfall." I say. He smiles. I kiss him and we ditch school.
Brian _______ I wake up and Karina isn't there. I hear someone jump in the water. It must be Karina. I go outside and stare at her. What a beauty. She's so pretty. I can't believe I hurt her last time. I'm so dumb! But now it's different. I love her. "Oh hi." She says. "Hey. Get ready we're leaving soon after I clean myself too." I say and jump in. I splash her and she splashes back. I let her win that game. "I let you win!" I say laughing. "Yea right! I'm just awesome!" She says. "You are. Beautifully awesome." We stare at each other smiling. "We'll we better get ready if we want to get to school on time."She says. In one hour we finally arrive to my house. "You have your own house? Already?" She asks. "Yea my parents kicked me out saying that I was old enough to have my own place. I don't care at least I can do what I want now." I say. "Well we better head to school." I say. We go to school and I park my car in the back. "Ok we're here." I say. "Thanks!" She says smiling. Her smile brightens my day no matter what mood I'm in. "Your welcome Karina. I love you." I say caring and truthfully. I hope she has a great day. "I guess I love you too."She says smiling. I close the door and lock them. I lean in and so does she. We kiss slowly and passionately. Her lips are softer than a baby's head. "I can't wait for Spring break." She says softly with a soothing voice. She gets out of the car and so do I. "Well see you later." She says and she runs over to Brennan. I look to see what's going on. Brennan is cheating on her! "Well, I .... Listen I can explain!" Brennan says. "I think you should just leave her alone from now on." I say like a hero. Karina turns around and starts to hug me. She doesn't deserve to be cheated on. Although she probably cheated on him too. "Leave my girlfriend alone." Brennan says. "I'm not your girlfriend anymore. I'm your ex." She says with a angry voice. "Ex?! No no no no no no! Karina please! I didn't mean to cheat on you! It just happened some way!" Brennan says. "I'll be spending my Spring break with Brian now. Thanks for nothing Brennan." She says and walk away with me. "Karina...." Brennan whispers but resumes to kiss the girl. I can tell she's heartbroken. "It's ok Karina. I knew he was a bad choice for you. Listen Karina Spring break is almost here and we can go anywhere you want. I love you and I won't hurt you anyway and neither will lover boy over there! I promise you that." I say with a powerful voice. She hugs me tightly and I hug her back. "I want to go back to the waterfall." I say. We smile, kiss, and ditch school.
good store line but try to use less periods. Add more to the sentence then we just walked. describe your surroundings more! Haha other that that your story's great
Karina ______ This is wrong. I love Brennan. I have a weird feeling with Brian Even though I feel sparks with both of them, Brennan is who I want. One week later and Spring break is here. Brian and I go back to the waterfall reserved for two weeks. The first thing we do is set up our tents. Brian sets up a portable bathroom. Brian leaves to go buy some food for two weeks in a supermarket 30 minutes away from the waterfall. I go on my phone and see pictures of Brennan. According to his status online, he's single and heartbroken. I'm heartbroken too. I cheated on Brennan and he cheated on me. We can forgive each other right? He's the love of my life. I call Brennan,"I want you back." "So do I. But you're with that guy and how am I supposed to get you back?" He asks. "Meet me at the waterfall on Saturday. He's going fishing that day for 3 hours." I say. "Ok. I love you and I won't cheat on you again. I have a surprise for you on Saturday. A surprise that will change your life." He says and hangs up. Brian comes back angry and goes inside the tent. "What's wrong?" I ask. "I saw my ex girlfriend while shopping. She is so annoying she wants me back."He says. "Comfort me?" He asks. I lie down next to him and he kisses me on the cheek, he tries to get to my lips but I back away. "What's wrong?" He asks. "I just don't feel good for that right now." I say. "Oh. It's ok we have two weeks for all that, and maybe even more." He says and falls asleep. I take out my phone and for the rest of the day/night I text Brennan.
Brian _______ Finally I have her for real this time. That dude won't go near my girl anymore. One week later and we arrive at the waterfall reserved for two weeks. I set up the portable bathroom and the tent. I drive to a supermarket 30 minutes away from the waterfall. I arrive at the supermarket and I get chips,cookies,water,gatorade, hot dog buns, the hot dog, marshmallows ,etc. I walk up to the cashier and I feel a tapping behind me. Oh great it's Katelyn my ex girlfriend. She's such a bother she doesn't leave me alone. "Hey Brian!"She says. "What do you want? I thought I told you to leave me alone from now on." I say angrily. I pay for the food and head to my car. Of course Katelyn is following me. "Yes I know Brian, but I love you please take me back. I'm hot! I'm rich too I can buy you anything you want! Don't you want a hot,rich girlfriend?" She asks. "I already have a girlfriend so leave me alone!" I say and drive away but I didn't notice her steal the 2nd pair of directions to the waterfall. I come back and head straight to the tent. "What's wrong?"Karina asks me. "I saw my ex girlfriend while shopping. She is so annoying she wants me back." I say annoyed. "Comfort me?" I ask her, hoping she would say yes. She lies down next me and I kiss her on the cheek. Now that we are together again I can be a real boyfriend. I slowly make my way to her lips. I know she has soft lips. She backs away from me, I don't know why though. "What's wrong?"I ask. "I just don't feel good for that right now."She says. "Oh. It's ok we have two weeks for all that, and maybe even more." I say excited. That Brennan guy won't be laying a finger on Karina, he lost , I won. I guess now we know who the better man is. I turn around and fall asleep.
I read the whole thing, and will give my honest, fair criticism. Plot: Love stories are so overdone, but that is my opinion. But I feel as if the plot is rushed. Everything happens so quick. Sometimes we need to take it slow and enjoy the moment. And everything is all about the love aspect. No side problems like family (in detail), or anything like that. Writing: It's not as detailed as it can be, as someone said earlier. I have trouble feeling the emotion and feel as if that detaches us from the characters. It's critical that we are attached, and understand the character. This is my honest criticism.
Karina _______ Finally Saturday is here! Brian is getting ready for his fishing trip. "Hey Karina, you sure you don't want to come with me?" He asked,"It'll be a lot of fun!" "No thanks I'm going to swim a little."I reply. "Alright then, bye I love you." He said with a kiss on the cheek and he drives away. Brennan comes out of the bushes and runs towards me. I don't notice him so he tackles me into the water. "Hey beautiful!" He says laughing. "Brennan! You made me wet!" I yell. "Was it worth it?" He asks me smirking. "Yes. I missed you! I'll never cheat on you again!" I say kissing him. "I'll never cheat again too! I love you!" He says kissing me back. We swim for a while kissing underwater like in the movies. Brennan gives me a sandwich an we eat. "Brennan, what do I say to Brian?" I ask worried,"How will he react when he finds out I want you back?" "Just tell him that you know that I cheated on you but that you still love me." He says smiling. "Thanks I'll try it. I'll text him." I say. I text Brian the message and included that I also cheated on him too so it's kind of fair. A few minute later he texts back. "What?! Karina you're with me! I stopped beating you! Or maybe I should so you can never leave! I'm coming back now, because he is probably there!" Brian texts back. "Brennan you have to go, or at least hide, Brian is coming here! Hurry!" I yell. Brennan quickly packs his things and hides them. Before he hides behind a bush he comes back and kisses me. "I'm not leaving again." He whispers. Brennan runs away when he gets tackled not by Brian but by a girl.
Brennan _______ I run out of the bushes and tackle Karina. We fall into the water and all I do is laugh. "Hey beautiful." I say laughing. "Brennan! You made me wet!"Karina yells but she's so cute. "Was it worth it?" I ask her smirking. "Yes. I missed you! I'll never cheat on you again!" She says kissing me with her warm, soft lips. "I'll never cheat again too! I love you!"I say kissing back. We swim for a while kissing in the water like in the movies. That's so romantic isn't it? I hand her a sandwich and we eat. "Brennan, what do I say to Brian?" She asks worried,"How will he react when he finds out I want you back?" "Just tell him that you know that I cheated on you but that you still love me." I say smiling. "Thanks I'll try it. I'll text him." She says. I watch Karina text Brian. Her hair is so pretty, she's so pretty. Why would I cheat on her? I'm so dumb! How could I hurt her like that? "Brennan you have to go, or at least hide, Brian is coming here! Hurry!"She yells. Worried I pack my stuff and hide them in the bushes. Before I hide behind the bushes I kiss her warm, soft lips. "I'm not leaving again." I whisper. I start to run away to hide but I get tackled by a girl.