My name is Josh matthews I'm 28 on the run after I was framed for murder. Now I have to find a way to prove my innocence and clear my name but before I can tell you about that I have to tell you about how I got here. Chapter 1 The night was dark it was raining I decided to take a short cut through an alley to get home faster. Then as I was running through the alley I tripped over something. I got up and turned around to see what I had tripped over. Suddenly there was a bright light I stood up closed my eyes and put my hands in front of my face. Then I heard a voice say don't move your under arrest for murder. I wanted to say that there must be some mistake that I hadn't killed anyone. Then I saw what I had tripped over it was a body but not just any body it was my boss' body the one I had an argument with earlier that day. I knew that the cop wouldn't believe me. I had no choice but to go quietly.
It's good but you should probably add more details like "I looked to my feet and saw the decaying body of my former boss" or something like that paint a picture that's all I really have to criticize
-they had only been dead for a little while it was recent that they had died if they were decaying I would have said it
Well that was just an example it just seems like the story is rushed adjectives are a wonderful thing and the more you use the better your story is adjectives add suspense to the story by making it longer
I definitely agree with fletch. It feels very rushed. It goes way to fast. You should stretch time out. Let Josh notice things. Make thing come alive!
I'm Just saying that in my opinion from my experiences in FF the more descriptive a story is the better people think it is
-eyes turn pure red- (you weak fool now I shall cleanse your soul) -grabs flubberj- (look in to my eyes and feel the pain of a thousand tormented souls) -flubberj becomes lifeless-