Great story keep writing. Do your best and correct any mistakes, use good grammar and punctuation within the story
You have a few spelling and grammar mistakes. Those are minor, so it's really fine. I love how the plot's original. Your updates should be a little longer, it's optional, and more detailed. When I read, it's just skimming because the details aren't juicy enough to savor for a long moment. It needs a little more detail, something to really catch the audience's eyes. It's good, but what I'm saying is that you shouldn't skip to one scene to another. Make it suspenseful, make a cliffhanger! Your story could also use a little more longer sentences. Try describing how the character's feeling, or what he or she's thinking. Something to let the audience understand her better. :3 Other than that, it's great! You have potential, make sure to use it!
I said it outloud. "maybe my mom was all I needed," the words sounded wrong, comming from my lips. The words tasted salty, and it made my throat dry. I shuddered at the thought of bringing the topic up around my mom again. She seemed so bitter when I asked her about it. She almost seemed, confused, and angry. I was thinking of a way that I could bring it up sensitively, when she walked in. She walked straight up to me, and said "I'm ready." "to go home?" I questioned. "no...I'm ready to," she started to say as the doctor walked in. She seemed flustered at being interupted, but she never continued what she was going to say, until the car ride home. Was that better?
Ugg! Why does no one read my stories anymore? It really bugs me that all these roleplays get attention, but no one reads the stories that I put a lot of time, and thought into.