~~Keep Holding On ~~

~~~~~~ Keep Holding On~~~~~
~~~~~~~ One-Shot~~~~~~

Sitting on my bed listening to Avril Lavigne and chatting with my dearest club. That is what I was doing at some very late hour of the night a few weeks ago.

When the song I was listening to, which was What the Hell by the way, ended, I quickly switched to YouTube and went to choose a new song. I saw in the related searches a song called Keep Holding On - Avril Lavigne.

Instantly, I got the feeling that i'd heard it somewhere. Without thinking, I clicked on it. After about 10 seconds I recognized it. I had listened to it a few years ago. The past 4 years haven't been the easiest, and while listening to that song it all came flooding back.

The bulling, feeling like I meant nothing, spending most of my lunchtimes and recesses in the girls toilets either hiding or crying, mostly both. Watching as my closest friends walked away, like I meant nothing to them anymore. It tore me apart. Being classified as a geek because I tried hard in school and usually topped my class. Being hated by all the popular girls because I was smarter than them.

The fights my parents had. The shouting, the crying, the screaming; picking my mother up off the floor, staying with her, talking to her, calming her down, then running out to my dad and sitting with him for a little while, giving him hugs, making sure he knew I loved him no matter what.

Having to take counseling because I was worried about my parent's marriage, what would happen if they split. There was also discussions concerning which parent we would stay with on weekdays and which one one weekends. It scared me.

The most recent. My Nan dying. My mum getting the phone call from my aunt, my sensitive hearing picking up the distress, sadness and fear in my aunt's voice. My mum getting off the phone and telling us that our aunt nor the paramedics could wake up my nan that morning. My brother instantly breaking down. They were really close. My mum rushed to comfort my brother, but soon followed my brothers example, also breaking down into sobs.

I instantly took responsibility, answering the phone when my aunt called again, reassuring her over the phone while comforting both my mother and brother, all while thinking to myself "You can't cry. Not yet. You have to be strong, be there for everyone else. Worry about yourself later" That's what I told myself over and over, struggling to control my sadness.

Sitting in the passenger seat in the car on the way to Blacktown Hospital, my dad driving, casting worried glances at me and occasionally holding my hand. My mum in the back comforting my mess of a brother. It broke my heart hearing him cry like that.

The songs on the radio didn't exactly help either. Bridges of Light, death, no more pain, hearts stopping, not exactly what I wanted to hear in songs while I was going to visit my nan in hospital, knowing there was nothing anyone could do. Knowing that she was going to die, like it or not.

When we got there, my aunt was already there. As you can imagine, she was devastated.

Walking through into my Nan, seeing her like that, it shattered my heart further. She was cold, relying on a ventilator to breathe, keep her alive. I knew what happened. The doctors thought I wouldn't understand, but i did. I found out that my nan's brain was already dead. I was going to lose her. Forever. An anureism (which is kinda like a blood clot) in her brain had burst. She went in her sleep. But she was stubborn, and clung onto the little life she had in her until my aunt woke up.

The doctors told my aunt that they eventually were going to have to turn the life support off. I knew what that meant too. After my other aunt and cousins arrived, my nan was moved to a ward. By then, we were already driving away. The first thing I said was "I don't want to be here when Nan dies. I can't be here."

Two hours after we got home my mum got yet another phone call. Nan had died. I was instantly there for her,holding back my own tears. After she had calmed down, I ran to my room, plopped down onto my bed and cried. I cried and cried. It was my mums turn to comfort me.

The flood of images, sounds, words, all went through my head so fast. They lasted the whole song. I was mouthing the words and sobbing uncontrollably. The thing is, I just couldn't change the song. It was too powerful. The rush of pure emotion, it overwhelmed me. What really amazed me though, is how one simple song can do that. Trigger a flow of memories and emotions so strong. I guess that's the power of music.

~~~~ The End ~~~~

I would just like to clarify that this is all TRUE. K? I don't CARE if you think I'm being an attention seeker. This is my life, my story. Deal with it.

 

*bullying. I SWEAR spellcheck hates me!

 

-hugs Tiffy back- I'm fine. All these events are in the past. It's still hurts, but I'm a strong little girl.  Thanks for caring.

 



 

Andi, I nearly cried reading your comment. Unfortunately, these things happen. And as I said earlier, it's all in the past.  Dont be sad over me hun.

 

Thanks Jade. That means a lot to me. And of course i still like you! And I don't like the Lilly Allen song. The Avril Lavigne one is pure awesomeness.

 

Thanks sweetie. Same to you. 

 

Sam: Thanks  I will sweetie.
Lily: I know you'll be there for me. And I'll be there for you too. 
Kenz: Of course you're not one of the meanie best friends! Your my BFFAL! 