McKenna drooled on. "I know. Lauren told me and probably you. Who told you anyway? Then I saw it happ-" She broke off and jumped with Linda screaming beside her. "OMG WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!" Linda was repeatedly screamed. In answer to her question a voice behind them replied "I. Just. Scared. You. Guys. Stiff!!" McKenna and Linda heard a giggle, thump and finally turned around to see a hysterical Nathan on the floor. "You should've seen your faces! Linda, you were like 'Arghhhhh' and McKenna was like 'Ekkkkkkkk!!' and… and…"
It contains the basic structure of a good story however it lacks certain aspects: Detail about characters such as appearance[] []Action...Currently it doesn't keep the reader begging for more[] []And maybe also add cliff hangars at the end of each segment -Lynx
Blond haired, pale skinned and blue eyed Nathan had gone full on red from his laugh attack. As he stood up he swayed back and forth. They didn't know if something had been hurt when he fell until Linda and McKenna saw Nathan shake. "Man, Nathan you gave me a heart attack back there!" I exclaimed loudly, and shook my head. "And anyway, are you feeling all right? You're shaking like mad." He looked up and had a slight twinkle in his sky blue eyes. McKenna blushed. Gosh, she thought, my face feels hot. Nathan smiled at her. "What's that sound peoples? HELLO??" Nathan and McKenna looked at her in confusion. "That's me chuckling Linda, your jumpy. Well I gotta go. Ha ha!!" McKenna just couldn't take her eyes off him…
"My Goodness McKenna! Your face is flushing bad as so let's go" She broke off, McKenna hadn't moved. Linda went and tried to pull on McKenna fair skinned arm but still didn't budge. So Linda moved on. And fortunately looked back. Whoosh. The air around her wasn't there and a purple and yellow figure was hurtling at her. "Oh my gosh," Linda laughed, "Stop, McKenna, stop!" But she, McKenna, wasn't going to stop anytime soon. Linda looked left, nope, it was the office, right, could she make it? For their bus was waiting for the two of them. Linda looked back and made up her mind. "Run!" she screamed in her head. Her legs came into action and she took off like a frightened bird. Desperately Linda ran towards the closing doors. She then made a poor decision, look behind her…
Linda 1: Bump Linda 2: Bump Linda 3: Bump Linda 4: Bump And finally; Linda 5: Bump. There you go. Five bumps. NOW UPDATE!!
…"Where is she?" Linda slowed down. Something, or someone bundled past her. "Over here!" McKenna sung at her bestie, quick otherwise you'll miss the bus!!" McKenna wondered why her best friend had stopped and was staring at her. Soon enough Linda recovered and was bounding over to the waiting bus. "Sorry mister bus driver, I got caught up in the moment." Linda and McKenna giggled like little girls. "Let us sit here, because I don't wanna go past all those year seven peoples." Linda hurriedly told McKenna and sat down. "Man, they're staring at us like mad!" McKenna exclaimed sharply. "It's lucky we're in year nine this year. I am so glad we are in high school and are older than them." McKenna kept on talking, "Except is that our brothers trying to hide?" Linda looked over at McKenna with a puzzled expression. "Oh, all right. They're over th…ere?"
McKenna dropped here hand. "They were there a minute ago. I swear!" Linda shook her head. Why was it always her telling McKenna Cameron isn't with us anymore. "No, Cameron wasn't there, and neither should've Michelangelo. You were seeing things. Please, soon get over this, it's been three and a bit years." "Nu-Uh," McKenna threw her a dirty look, "They're both ALIVE! I can FEEL IT!! And I know it. Don't tell me what to believe. Coz their alive and I'm gonna prove it." McKenna couldn't storm off so she crossed her arms and felt so guilty. "Mum ALWAYS says, other people can not control your life." she muttered to herself. So she waited, waited for something that would help and Linda and McKenna could be very close again. But those words, that thing, didn't come…