I feel like all the threads I make are personal. Sorry if my feelings and shit bore you. But I need to know...or some shit. Why, as humans, do we have to be sentient? Why can't we all be emotionless little pricks? And why, of all things, do we have to care about someone we've never even met? Never seen, never heard speak. Never felt their touch. Why must we care? And when they're close enough to you...just when you think you've got them figured out, that you've learned much about them...but there's so much more you could learn...they leave? When you come to care about this faceless person, they find out they have better things to do in life than chat with someone they once considered their best friend or boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever the hell else people are. Why do they have to go? Why does it hurt? As a child, I felt like I was constantly abandoned. Was I? Probably not. I've probably got every event that ever happened to me so fucking twisted up in my mind that nothing is right side up. But that's how I felt. Left and lied to. Am I looking for sympathy? No. Hell no. Fuck no. What I want are answers. Why do we have to care? Do YOU care? About anyone or everyone you meet, on here or not? I cried, you know. A friend...one I'd known for months. And he can throw all that away because he feels like it? He wants to and he's bored and some other shit? I cried. It doesn't feel like he meant that he thought the app was stupid or worthless or whatever. It felt like he was saying that nothing, no one was worth keeping him here. That he didn't care about anyone, any of us, enough to stay. That we were, somehow, inadequate. That we weren't enough for him. If not we, if you've never felt the same, then I. I, I, I, I, I, I. Me, me, me. Whatever the fuck works for you. But that's how it feels. I want to cry myself to sleep. And I despise of crying. To me, it's a sign of weakness. It shows your pain, your helplessness. And that's a crack, something about you, that shouldn't be, doesn't need to be, shown. The last time I cried was July of 2011... Excruciating pain. And before that? Sometime in 2010... I dont really like crying, like I said. Yet, for some shitty reason, I want to. I want to bawl my eyes out. Months, just tossed down the drain. And the worst part is that he doesn't even fucking care. But I guess I should get used to it, right? Lots of loss coming in the future and junk. I'll just deal. I don't have another choice, so... So pardon my rant. To make it less personal, less self centered: have you ever lost something you really cared about? Your favorite toy, as a child? Your brother or sister that ran away, but came back? Some other something or shit? I don't know. Whatever you want to say. To relate to. To...I don't know. Pardon the many emotions, too. Feelin pissed off and sad as fuck right now. But I'll revert to myself. Be a rubber band, no? I didn't proof this either. ._. And you dont have to post. I honestly dont care at the moment. And I'm pretty sure I'll regret this in the morning. But fuck it. Fuck it all in the ass. Happy Az in three, two, one...
That was Azizosis or something, wasn't it? That quit? Azarah... While I was reading that I pictured you as that person who like, is half waisted and is holding a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other. And as they talk they're using too many hand gestures and and are kind've moving back and forth and their eyes are like, half open. Anyone seen THAT type of person?
Yeah...zizzy quit. Me? Like that? That'd take skill. You know how much balance it takes to hold a cigarette AND beer at the same time?! I couldn't do it, woman! I'd kneel over from concentration! But no...never.
Is asking who this is about too much? I think I know, but I don't know you very well and my predictions can be WAY off sometimes.
It's not too much. It was Leo... But I started about thinking about everyone else then, too. So a lot of people.
Leo? I think we're thinking of two different Leo's. Eh. Sorry v_v I've had a lot of shit in my life, already, but that just made me want to curl up and cry. Like I said, I don't know you very well, but if you ever need someone to ramble to or something, I am always on. Like, literally. It's a curse
We feel emotion because if we didn't, we wouldn't experience happiness. We wouldn't experience love, happiness, and all that sort of shit. It's life bro. ;o;