Hey!You!Yeah You!!It would be please if you read FATE...Is Right Here.Please comment too!!!Hope you enjoy it!!
Josh's point of view: I walked for a little over an hour and still wasn't even halfway to James's house. I saw a car coming and saw that it was one of my friends and I flagged them down. I asked them if they could give me a ride to James's house and they said yeah so I rode with them in silence. We finally got to James's house and I waved them off and walked to the back of James's house to where I knew his room would be. I climbed the tree by where his window was and slid it up,since he never locks his window, and went in his room. But I was met with a fist to my jaw. I looked up and saw James standing there glaring at me,"What the h*ll are you doing? You're supposed to be in the hospital." I pulled myself up,"Yeah well I decided that I didn't need to be in the hospital you bas*ard. I'm fine without it." He laughed and said,"Yeah we'll see about that." He turned to walk away but turned back,"Oh yeah by the way the cops should be here soon." I stared at him in disbelief and tried to run past him to get out but he punched me in the jaw knocking me to the floor and held me down there. Within minutes I saw flashing blue lights and heard the police coming in and right then and there I knew I had made some of the biggest mistakes of my life.
I like this story but I think it has a major flaw... occurrence of events It seems...too many boys. If this girl is socially awkward, why would so many guys like her? And at the same time? Also, one minute, she likes this guy and has sex with him, then she's dating another. They're all incredibly the same. She takes it too fast with them too. She dates one guy and what, two weeks after she has sex with him? That makes her seem a bit easy. Don't make people choose between five or four times. If this girl loved any of them, why would she date all of them with no guilt at all in hurting the boy. Also, she's in the hospital too much. If they really loved her, why were they abusing her? Also, why are none of the boys scared? Why are some of them not even aware of her, then suddenly they show up? Why does she move on so fast? No real regret for any of the breakups. And she lost a baby! Think of that. Think of the hormonal imbalance a pregnant woman would have. Also, the parents aren't aware! They're never around for their daughter, they're just random background characters. Also her life in general is just centered around boys. Her best friend simply faded out, and you don't really know all sides of the character. And she'd need to get the necessary things to SUPPORT, the baby. No ultrasounds, no recommendations from doctors, no cravings? It just seems as though she's not at all. And that Josh kid? Why would he do this for a person he barely knew, and he supposedly wanted? Why was he such an ass? Why would he shoot his best friend, and why would his best friend not know him enough, or even be that shocked that he was insane! All this is about is Holly and whom she should pick. But that isn't the only thing that should go into the story...does she get her eyes from her mother? Does her family approve of her appalling sins their daughter has preformed? Are they religious? Are the upset? Is ANYONE, oh I don't know, DISAPPOINTED IN HER, for whoring around with random boys they've never met? Are they worried at ALL? Do they know anything ABOUT her? Does she have any teachers she likes? Does she have a guidance counselor? She should be traumatized by loosing her freaking baby! That stuff is serious. Loosing a baby might prevent a girl from EVER having a normal relationship, she might fall into depression, or be psychologically scarred, yet this girl is completely unemotional as she lost it what, a few years ago?!? Did they even know it's gender?!?Did they have a name picked out, a crib? Does anyone care about anything else except this girl whoring around with random guys and getting pregnant? Is no one teasing her, no one giving her pity? NADA?!? Sorry I felt rant-y