Tyler and Angelica went to a holiday inn and got a room by the pool. As soon as they walked in and set their stuff down hugged him and started to cry into his chest. He hugged her back and moved them to the bed. "I'm so stupid!" she cried into his chest. He patted her back "it's ok." he whispered into her ear. Back at Katy's house Katy had finally stopped crying. "are you better now?" Eric asked. "yea...." she responded "but there is one more thing I have to do...." then she smacked him across the face and gave him a hard punch in the gut. He fell back and tried to breathe. She got up "that's what you get for letting her get up on you". He slowly got up and said under his breathe" I probably deserve that one". After he got up then she hugged him. "sorry I had to let that out." she whispered. "yea I know it's ok" he whispered back. Then they hugged each other and stayed there for awhile. Katy slowly looked into his eyes. Eric looked back into her twinkling eyes. She slowly leaned forward and gave him a quick and Tender kiss on the lips. He smiled at her and he kissed her back......
Ok so here's my advice ^-^ ~Grammar! Like, use punctuation, QUOTATION MARKS, and phrase your sentences right. ((ex. "oh really""yeah" She leaned forward and kissed him. "I love you" "I love you too" She grinned, "Oh really?" Bob sweeped a strand of hair from her face. "Yeah." Christina leaned forward and kissed him gently, as if asking him a question. He answered with a stronger, more needy kiss. She came up for a breath and looked into his eyes. "I love you." Bob smiled. "I love you too.")) ~It's too literal, I guess you would say. Make it more real. Make it that your readers are feeling your story, not just reading it. ((She pushed him. He fell back. He stood up. She turned around. She walked away. He followed her. She pushed him, the hurt steering through her veins, her rage blocking her sense of what was right and wrong. He fell backwards onto the stained carpet, surprised. When he gathered his bearings, he stood up, ready to face her. Her vision blurred, then not wanting him to see her wall break down, she turned and began to walk away, biting the inside of her cheek and taking deep, ragged breaths. Knowing that through all of the pain they caused each other, no matter the mix of emotions, he loved her, so took a deep breath and began to follow his defeated beauty.)) Jeez, I just like wrote a story Sorry, it might be mean, but I've always loved writing and I hate it when people would say my writing is wonderful just to spare my feelings, so I know that alot of other writers, though we appreciate the compliments, don't want people to sugar coat their judgements. Anyway!!! I love the base and the meaning of your story, I just think that it could use a little bit of tiny work! ]£$$ ~ The meaner critique
That's what I was thinking... Also, the stark simplicity lacks something to be desired. (spoken like a true ) but, anyways, they're moving a bit to quickly...not saying its bad just...Angelica just met them and she was trying to err...S his D ...and yeah...
STOP BUMPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When she feels like updating, she'll update. No use in bumping already-read work.